I Almost Forgot You
by OoglieBooglie
Summary: How could a perfectly happy life be ruined in such a small amount of time? - My take on 2x15 and the aftermath, with a couple of big twists. - Slightly AU. - Rizzles of course.
1. Happy

Disclaimer: Obviously Rizzoli and Isles don't belong to me. They are the property of TNT, JTam, and Tess Gerritsen. I'm just borrowing them to create a story.

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A/N: This one starts right before 2x15, but there's a lot more to it than that. Slightly AU. I don't want to give away too much, but it will be Rizzles, of course.

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**I Almost Forgot You**

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Chapter 1

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It was still early on a Thursday evening at Angela Rizzoli's house. The weather still nice outside, the sun was just about to set, and it was mostly quiet in the neighborhood. That was until, a woman's gruff voice shouted loudly in displeasure.

"Oh. My. God. Frankie. I think you broke my nose, again." Jane dropped the ball and moved her hand up to her face, gently touching her nose. "Ma is going to kill me, then you, then probably me again." She pulled her hand away from her face and looked at it; yup, there was definitely blood on it.

"_Ma_ is going to kill you? I think she will have to get in line behind Maura." Frankie pulled an apologetic face at his sister and pointed over her shoulder.

Jane slowly turned around, where she saw the two women her brother mentioned glaring at her, looking anything but happy. She cringed, while waiting for either of them to open up their mouth and start yelling at her. But Maura just shook her head, her face showing her clear disappointment.

This coming weekend was important for the both of them. The two women had been together for a little over a year now and during a recent vacation to Italy, Jane had asked Maura to marry her. Upon their return to Boston, they had happily shared the news with their loved ones, including Maura's parents; who had decided to throw them an engagement party this Sunday. The party itself was important, but more than that, this weekend was going to be the first time Jane was actually going to meet Maura's adoptive father. And a swollen, bruised face would not exactly make the best first impression. Jane knew she had screwed up, Maura had asked her to be careful. She had just planned on playing a friendly game of basketball with her brother, get rid of some extra energy. However, she should have realized that with the competitive nature of their relationship, it would end up like this, there was no such thing as just a friendly game of ball when it came to the Rizzoli kids.

"Just come inside, and I'll fix your nose, …. again." Maura sounded irritated. "You're going to need rhinoplasty if you keep this up."

"Rhinoplasty?" Jane tilted her head backwards, she didn't want to drip blood everywhere.

"Nose surgery," Maura said, grabbing one of Jane's elbows and slowly leading her inside the house. "This is the third time you've broken your nose since I've known you. You can end up with a deformity, problems breathing, repeated nosebleeds, snoring. You can't keep breaking it like this."

"I know. Things just got a little heated with Frankie. Sometimes I think he puts those bony elbows out on purpose," Jane frowned, her voice sounded muffled from the awkward position her head was in.

Maura pushed Jane down on one of the kitchen chairs, then moved the brunette's chin so she was looking straight at her. "Hold still, ...and yes," she answered the unspoken question in the brown eyes before her, "this will hurt." She lightly moved her fingers over Jane's nose, feeling for the break.

**Crack!**

"Jeesus Maur! You weren't kidding, were you." The detective said, reaching for her face with both hands, tears stinging in her eyes from the pain.

"Here," Maura pulled Jane's hands down from her face and replaced them with a bag of ice, gently holding it in place. "I asked you to be careful, Jane. I wish you would just listen to me, once in a while. This weekend and the party is important for me; for us. And I would prefer it that when you meet my father for the first time, you didn't look like someone beat you up."

Jane knew Maura wanted her to make a good impression on her parents. Of course she already knew Maura's mother; Constance Isles. But her father was a bit of an enigma, the doctor rarely spoke about him. As far as Jane could tell, the father and daughter had an interesting, but somewhat distant relationship.

Jane knew she had screwed up. She carefully removed Maura's hands and the bag of ice down from her face so she could look the doctor in the eyes.

"I am really sorry Maura, I know how important Sunday is for you, it is for me too," her voice was completely sincere, devoid of any sarcasm. "Everything is going to be fine, okay? Better than fine actually, it's going to be great. I'm going to be so charming, your dad will have no choice but to love me." Jane said the last bit with a little smirk on her face.

Maura didn't look completely appeased yet, but a small smile was starting to show on her lips. "You are not as charming as you think you are, detective."

Jane, feeling the shift in mood, decided for a more playful approach next, "really?" she moved a little closer, and slowly lowered her head towards Maura's neck. "My charms worked on you though," she placed a gentle kiss on the doctor's clavicle.

"Yes, it only took you three years to charm me," Maura responded, kind but sarcastic.

"MAURA!" Jane said, pretending to be offended, before letting her lips continue the journey up the blonde's neck; nibbling and placing little kisses until she reached her ear. "I love you Maura. Everything will be perfect, I'll make sure of it", she whispered.

Maura turned her head and softly kissed Jane's lips, slow and sweet. "It better be detective, or you might find yourself sleeping on the couch. Now lets go and get ready for dinner."

* * *

Maura and Jane didn't stay very long after dinner, both had been eager to go home. It was never a question anymore who's place they would go to, since Jane had pretty much moved in with Maura months ago. Because the lease on her old apartment wasn't up yet, she still technically had her own place, but they rarely if ever stayed there anymore.

So they drove home to what was now their home together in Beacon Hill.

Things on the way there had gotten a little heated; in a good way.

Jane was glad when she finally drove the car into the driveway. She thought it was a miracle they hadn't gotten into an accident with the way Maura had been touching her while she was trying to drive.

As soon as they got inside the house, Jane pushed the teasing woman up against the front door, with her own body flush against her.

"I can't believe you did that," Jane breathed, bending her head and kissing the soft hollow of Maura's throat. Her hands quickly found their way under Maura's shirt, tracing the soft skin of a toned stomach. "I thought I was going to crash us," she brushed her lips against the doctor's, "you were driving me crazy."

Maura instantly deepened the kiss, her lips parting, hungrily exploring the detective's mouth. Jane ran her fingers higher, across smooth skin before cupping ample breasts, massaging and kneading while her thumbs teased erect nipples; eliciting a shiver and a soft moan from Maura.

Jane slowly slid her hands back down over the slight ridges of the doctor's rib cage, and around towards her lower back.

She pulls them closer together, squeezing and lifting Maura's firm behind; the intent clear.

Maura hopped up and wrapped both her legs around the brunette's slender frame, letting Jane carry her towards their bedroom; their mouths never breaking contact.

The brunette pushed the door open, and walked further into the room. She was just about to carefully guide Maura down onto the bed, when they heard someone knocking at the front door.

The detective stopped her progress and looked at Maura whom she was still holding in her arms, "are we expecting anyone?"

Maura shook her head, then slowly slid her legs down Jane's body until she had both her feet back on the ground. "I have no idea who that could be," she shrugged her shoulders, looking a little puzzled. "We just left all your family at your mother's house and they wouldn't knock anyway."

Jane let out a small laugh. "No, they wouldn't. Let's just ignore them, whoever it is." She pulls Maura close again, tilting her head to recapture the soft, enticing lips.

It was only a few seconds later when there was another knock on the door.

Jane sighed, "okay, whoever it is, they are persistent," she reluctantly released the doctor from her arms.

They quickly straightened out their clothes somewhat and went to check who was interrupting their evening together.

* * *

"Mother," Maura said in surprise, her hands quickly trying to smooth the wrinkles in her shirt.

"Hello darling," Constance gave her daughter two kisses, european style.

"Come in. Come in. We didn't expect you till tomorrow." Maura stepped aside to let her mother enter the house. "Where's father, is he with you?"

"No, your father is flying in from Tanzania tomorrow afternoon. I just took an earlier flight from London myself, I wanted to spend a little extra time with my daughter." Constance finally noticed Jane, who was sort of sheepishly standing to the side. "Jane," she said, "it's so good to see you again."

"Likewise," Jane responded with a smile, shaking her hand. "Maur? Guest house or guest room?" she asked, taking Constance's suitcase in her hands.

It didn't take long before Maura's mother excused herself; the woman was still on London time and after flying for 8 hours, it was understandable she wanted to rest. With the evening interrupted like it had been, and both feeling a little weary after a long day at work, Jane and Maura decided to call it a night themselves and went to sleep as well.

* * *

The next morning Jane awoke to three women excitedly chatting away in the kitchen. It still surprised her how many mornings her mother would still be there in their house, even though the woman didn't live in the guest house anymore. The detective was not exactly a morning person, especially when she didn't have any coffee or breakfast yet, but she would make the effort today.

Maura was fumbling with the new coffee maker. The doctor had bought the ridiculously expensive machine earlier that week, but they hadn't had time to put it together yet.

"My mother is an espresso enthusiast," she explained to Angela, dropping several of the machines pieces on the counter.

"I'm what they call a super taster," Constance kindly added.

"And a super smeller," Maura smiled.

Jane noticed how happy Maura looked to have her mother there with her, "morning" she said, quickly kissing the blonde's cheek. "You want me to put this together?" she asked, pointing at the half put together coffee maker. When the doctor appreciatively responded in the affirmative, Jane went to work to put the contraption together, tuning out the happy banter around her. She was just about finished when her phone rang, "Rizzoli."

It wasn't long until Maura's phone rang as well, "Dr. Isles."

"Okay, I'm on my way," they both said simultaneously.

Maura looked at her mother apologetically. "I'm sorry, mother. I need to go into work. There's been a fire at the Whistler's factory."

"Oh darling, go. I'll be fine." Constance responded, smiling at her daughter.

"Come on, babe." Jane gently encouraged her, "ma will be here, and we'll be back before dinner."

"Yes, I'll keep her company. I can make a mean eggs Benedict." Angela piped in.

The doctor reluctantly agreed. She was disappointed not being able to share some extra time with her mother today. But, knowing duty called, she got in the car with Jane, and they drove off to work.

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**A/N2: ****So the cookie monster is back, even though I almost lost my motivation to write rizzles after seeing 3x14 and 3x15. **

******As with my last story, I got quite the journey mapped out. I hope you'll enjoy taking the ride with me, and I'll try and do my best to make it worth your time.**

**A shout out to Krazyhippo66, who helps me fix the little stuff I always miss, and for overall awesomeness. (Sharing a muse is still crazy). ;)**

**Shall I continue? Let me know what you think.**


	2. Shadow On The Wall

Chapter 2

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Detective Frost was immersed in his work when he heard the sound of heels clicking on the floor. He looked up to see Maura enter the bullpen, looking around the room for one brunette detective. "If you're looking for Jane," he said, "she and Korsak are interviewing Arnold Whistler, the owner of the burned down warehouse."

"Do you think they are going to be much longer?" Maura asked, checking her watch.

Frost shook his head, and closed the file he had been looking at, "nah, they should be almost done."

"I guess I'll wait here then," Maura perched herself against Jane's desk.

While waiting, Frost and Maura spoke about the current case they were working on.

The M.E. had determined that the death of Greg Hill, the fire fighter that was killed last night, was not an accident as they had originally thought, but a homicide.

The doctor had also determined that the fire itself was caused by a faulty space heater. To confirm some additional suspicions she had, she had sent out an inquiry to get documentation on other fires in the area that may have been started in the same way. But she wouldn't get those files until tomorrow morning.

With nothing else that could be done at the moment, she was ready to go home for today. She just hoped her detective was ready as well.

Maura got her answer fairly quickly, when Korsak and Jane appeared around the corner, still quietly talking to each other.

As soon as Jane noticed the blonde leaning against her desk, a big smile appeared on her face.

"How did the interview go?" Maura asked, taking a few steps closer to Jane, but keeping a professional distance.

"A waste of time," the brunette responded, running a hand through her hair, "guy's a pervert, but I don't think he had anything to do with the fire. Back to square one."

"We'll figure it out," Frost said confidently.

Jane gave her partner an appreciative nod, before directing her attention back to her fiancee, "you look like you're ready to go home."

"I am, and I was hoping you were as well," Maura replied, sounding eager. "My father flew in this afternoon, and I was thinking we could all have dinner tonight at the 'Ivory Table'."

Jane nodded, then looked over at Korsak and Frost. "You guys okay if I head out for today?"

"You sure you're ready to spend time with the in-laws?" Korsak laughed at his own joke, but when he was met with a steady stare and a raised eyebrow from both Jane and Maura, he turned serious and waved them away. "Go, it's fine. There's not much more we can do tonight anyway, we'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay, let's go." Jane grabbed her things and led the way outside.

* * *

Thirty minutes later Jane and Maura stepped through the front door of their home; quiet conversation greeting them upon entering.

"Maura, there you are." A tall, still handsome, middle aged man stood up from the couch and headed towards them, Constance not far behind.

"Father, it's so good to see you." Maura responded, greeting her father in the same way as she had her mother last night; european style, with a kiss on each cheek.

"And you must be Jane," the man said, reaching out his hand towards the detective. "I've heard a lot about you. It's nice to finally meet you in person."

"Likewise, Mr. …uh... Isles. It's nice to meet you too," the brunette awkwardly mumbled, while giving the man a firm handshake.

"Call me Alexander," he said kindly, brushing off the formality. Jane smiled, she liked him already.

Both Constance and Alexander Isles had a certain air around them; they were posh people. Elegant, classy, stylish. They looked like they were used to enjoying the finer things in life. But they also had a certain kindness and warmth, that they had obviously passed on to their daughter.

Jane knew they had been somewhat lacking as parents, but both Mr. and Mrs. Isles were trying to reconnect with Maura, regretting how their own lives had gotten in the way of really getting to know their own daughter.

The detective felt a little frumpy, especially standing next to these people, who were dressed immaculately. After being at work all day, Jane's clothes were wrinkled and her hair was a mess. It definitely wasn't the way she had wanted to look when first meeting Maura's father. But since it was done now, she really just wanted to jump in the shower, get changed, and go for dinner. They were called out early that morning and she hadn't really eaten anything of substance all day; she was starving.

"Maur, I am going to take a quick shower and get ready, okay?" Jane said, catching the blonde's attention.

"Oh, yes." Maura replied, suddenly realizing she was still in her 'work' clothes as well. "We have reservations at 8 p.m. so we have some time still." They quickly excused themselves and got ready for their evening out.

The doctor had already chosen what Jane should wear tonight, and for once the brunette did not complain, even when she did squirm a little.

* * *

The four of them sat down for a lovely dinner at the 'Ivory Table'.

After an initial awkward warm up phase, conversation started to flow freely and comfortably.

"Tell me," Alexander said after a while, taking a sip from his wine, "how did you two first meet?"

Jane and Maura quickly glanced at each other, both blushing a little.

"Yes, darling. Share the story with us. You never did tell me how you two met," Constance looked at them both expectantly.

"Well," Jane started, remembering the day. "When our paths first crossed, I was still working for the drug unit."

"And I had just started working for BPD," the doctor added.

"When you're a girl, and you do buy busts, you got to be a hooker," Jane explained, looking a little nervous. She was hoping the Isles' wouldn't be offended, but they just looked like they were enjoying themselves. So the brunette continued, "I just came back from my shift, I was at the division one cafe at BPD. I had no ID, no money, and I'm starving. I really just wanted a cup of coffee and something to eat. But Stanley, the owner, pretended not to know me."

"She was wearing an outfit that was sure to be fashion homicide, including fishnet stockings and terrible make-up," Maura added, eliciting a soft laugh from Constance.

Jane and Maura told the rest of the story together, each injecting their own take on their first meeting.

"I was just trying to be friendly, trying to pay for her drink," Maura finally said, smiling, giving the brunette a sideways glance, "and I gave her some healthy food options."

Jane playfully rolled her eyes. "Yes, but you put on your gloves first."

All four of them laughed heartily at the strange circumstances they had met in.

"We didn't really see much of each other after that, not until Jane got promoted to the homicide squad." Maura finished, "and the rest as they say, is the past."

The brunette smiled, gently grabbing a hold of Maura's hand under the table. "History," she whispered.

"History?" Maura asked.

"Yes, they say, the rest is history," she affectionately smiled at the doctor, "but I like your version too."

They spent another hour or so at the restaurant, eating desert and drinking some wine.

It wasn't until Alexander quietly stifled a yawn, they decided to wrap up the evening.

"I'm sorry, I'm still on Tanzanian time," he apologized, then motioned for the waiter to bring him the check.

* * *

After settling the bill they made their way outside, taking their time walking back to the car.

They had just started crossing the street when out of nowhere a black car came racing down the street, heading straight for Maura at full speed. It would have hit her too if it wasn't for Jane's quick reaction, pushing the doctor out of the way, and to the ground; the car narrowly missing them both.

The car stopped momentarily about twenty feet away from them, it just sat there for a few long seconds, then quickly sped off with screeching tires.

Jane quickly helped Maura up from the ground, aided by her parents. "Are you okay?" she asked the blonde, her hands cupping her face, looking intently in her eyes.

"I…I'm fine, I think." Maura stood there in shock at what happened. Thinking about all the ways this could have gone different. If her parents would have crossed the street first, or if Jane wouldn't have pushed her away.

The brunette checked Maura over for injuries, but when nothing but a few scrapes were found, she pulled her into a tight embrace, breathing in the essence of her; taking just a moment to reassure herself of the woman's safety.

When she finally pulled back, she grabbed her cell phone, first dialing the station and then her partner. "Frost", she said, quickly shifting into cop mode and relaying the events. "...No, no license plate, but it was an old 70's police cruiser. …yeah, that's what I was thinking, there shouldn't be too many of those around anymore. …No, but it did have a diamond shaped sticker on the back window. …okay, put out a BOLO."

When Jane ended the call, she pulled the blonde gently to the side, out of her parents earshot. "Maura, soon as the cops arrive, I am going to have a squad car drive you and your parents home, okay?" the detective looked entirely stressed and upset.

"You're not coming home with us?" Maura asked, her voice small.

Jane shook her head, "I was going to stay here. I want to make sure we find whoever just tried to run you over."

Maura tried to put on a brave face and nodded, but she wasn't fooling anyone; she was shaken up.

Jane took a deep breath, briefly considering where she was needed more at the moment. The decision was quickly made when she saw the clear distress in her fiancee's eyes, "Okay, how about instead of a squad car, I'll drive us all home. Just give me a few minutes until Frost gets here, okay? You and your parents can go wait in the car, and I'll be there as soon as I can."

Maura instantly looked relieved, she felt a little guilty and needy, but she really didn't want to be away from Jane right now.

* * *

Several squad cars arrived at the scene shortly after, instantly roping off the area to preserve any evidence. Frost and Korsak got there soon after.

"Jane, is everything okay, is anyone hurt?" the older detective looked concerned.

"Maura fell and got a few cuts and scrapes, but she'll be fine" the brunette quickly responded. "But listen," she said, all business, "there was something weird about this car."

"Weird how?" Frost asked.

"It's just a feeling. The car came at us full speed, out of nowhere, like it had been waiting. And the way it stopped, before driving off, it was weird. Almost like they, whoever it was, wanted to make sure they had hit their target. It didn't feel accidental, it felt like a hit."

"Then we'll treat it as such." Korsak said, "we'll make sure everything gets taken care off Jane. We'll have an unmarked follow you home and posted outside your house as well."

"Thanks, but…make sure they keep their distance, and keep it quiet for now. Who knows, I might just be seeing things here, maybe it was just an accident." Jane looked over at her own car, knowing the people inside were still waiting for her. "I don't want to freak Maura out, or her parents, at least not anymore than they already are. Especially not this weekend."

"We'll take care of it, okay?" Frost reassured his partner, "we'll call if we find anything at all."

Jane nodded. Now finished with what needed to be done, the brunette made her way to their car, got in, and drove them home.

The ride back to the house was definitely a very subdued affair. It had been such a pleasant evening, but it had been rudely interrupted by some maniac driver.

Jane was hoping she was just seeing things, that this was just an unfortunate event, a happenstance. Maybe a drunk driver. But deep inside, her gut instinct told her there was definitely something more going on here, they would just have to figure out what it was.

Either way there wasn't more that she could do tonight, she had passed on her suspicions to her partner, and Korsak.

She trusted them to help her figure it out, yet she knew she wouldn't be able to rest until they did.


	3. The Heartache Can Wait

Chapter 3

* * *

It was in the early morning hours when they were awoken from their sleep by a persistent ringing in the room. "I think it's yours," Maura drowsily mumbled, reaching her arm over Jane's body to grab the offending item. "Jane Rizzoli's phone," she said, smiling to herself. "Yes, she's here. Hold on." She handed the cell phone to Jane, "it's for you. It's Frost."

The brunette groaned, "what's up, Frost?" Listening to her partner on the other end of the line, her eyes finally opened, "I'll be there in thirty."

Jane removed herself from Maura's arms and slid out of bed. "They found the car from last night," she said, while putting on her pants.

"Do you want me to come with you?" the doctor asked, pushing herself upright in bed.

Jane shook her head. "No, just go back to sleep," she momentarily disappeared into the closet. "Spend some time with your folks this morning," she said, walking back out. She put a shirt on over her head, then looked in the vanity mirror. She didn't want to waste any time messing with her hair, so she put it up in a pony tail. "I'll call you if I find anything out, okay?"

"Jane. What are you not telling me?" Maura crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for an answer.

The detective sat down on the bed next to Maura, putting on her boots. "There's not much to tell."

"Is that why there was an unmarked following us home last night, and why it's still parked in front of our house this morning?"

Jane ran a hand over her face, knowing she was busted. "You noticed that, huh?" When all she received in return was a raised eyebrow and a head tilt, she knew she'd better spill. "The cops outside are just a precaution."

"For what?" Maura's voice had a hint of concern in it now.

"For the slight possibility that last night wasn't an accident, but a deliberate hit on either one of us." Jane shifted on the bed so she was now facing Maura, putting her hands on her shoulders. "Maura, I didn't want to worry you unnecessarily, or your parents. It's probably nothing. I just want to make sure, okay?"

The response was slow coming, but finally the doctor nodded.

Jane dropped a soft kiss on sweet lips before getting up, "Maur. Don't worry, okay? Not unless, or until, we find something to worry about."

* * *

A little more than twenty minutes later, the detective drove into the underground garage where the car had been found. A team was already looking for anything that could be useful in finding the owner of the vehicle.

"No license plate, or VIN. Of course not, that would've been too easy." Jane groaned.

"Look, over here." Frost motioned her over, he was holding up what appeared to be a metal switch of some sort.

"What's that?" she asked.

"I think it's the cut off switch for a space heater." Frost looked at the thing from side to side.

"Like the space heater that we found at the Whistler Factory?"

Frost put the item in a clear evidence bag, "I think it's very possible. Your instincts might be right, Jane. This is starting to feel anything but random."

* * *

It was mid afternoon when Korsak, Frost and Jane were sitting around a table in the bullpen. Several boxes of files around them, with Frankie bringing in another one. "Is Maura here," he asked.

"No, she's at home, spending the day with her parents. Why, what do you need?" the brunette stood up to meet her brother.

"These are the files from the fires she requested." Frankie put the box down on the table and Jane opened it up, pulling out a stack of documents. "Wait a minute, these are all from the same company," the brunette quickly glanced through them, "and according to this, our victim Greg Hill has been looking into them as well. This is every fire his company has responded to in the last year."

Jane started pacing around the table. "This can't be a coincidence, guys. Greg looks into these fires, and he ends up dead. Then when Maura requests the same files, she almost gets run over by a car."

All three connected the dots at the same time; they were dealing with a fire fighter, who was deliberately starting these fires. And whoever it was, wasn't just an arsonist, he was also a killer that had now set his sights on Maura.

"We need to flush this guy out," Frost said finally, "before he tries again."

"I agree," Jane said, "we need to come up with a plan."

Frankie, who had still been standing there, cleared his throat and when his sister looked up, he nodded his head at the clock on the wall.

"Oh shit," Jane groaned in frustration, "I'm already late."

"Your party," Frost stated, "you better hurry. Don't want to be late when you're half of the reason for the event."

The brunette angrily rubbed her face, "this case couldn't have come at a worse time. What if, whoever this is, tries again tonight?" she said worried.

"We'll get extra security, Jane. And we'll be there as well. We'll all keep an eye out for the doc."

A big part of Jane wanted to cancel the whole thing, but she knew she couldn't do that. It wasn't the first time someone was after them, and unfortunately it probably wouldn't be the last time either. It came with their jobs. They couldn't let fear run their lives. However that didn't mean she wasn't going to take precautions to avoid any disastrous consequences.

It might be a little difficult with her outfit, but she was going to be carrying her gun tonight.

* * *

Two hours later than she was supposed to, she entered their Beacon Hill home. Greeted by a very upset, but gorgeous looking blonde.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be late." Jane instantly apologized before the doctor could open her mouth and berate her.

Maura took a deep breath. She knew how her fiancee got when she was on a case. The woman was stubborn and determined; with a very one track mind. She wouldn't rest until the case was solved. It was one of the qualities Maura loved about her, and she really didn't want to start their special evening with a fight, so she decided to let it go. Jane was home now, and they still had time to get ready, although not as much time as she had wanted.

"Just go and take a shower, so we can get ready." Maura finally said, adding a little smile to show that she wasn't as upset as the detective might think.

Jane got ready in record time and it wasn't much longer after that when there was a knock on their front door. A limousine was waiting outside to bring them and the rest of the Isles' family to the party venue, just outside of Boston.

They were going a little earlier, so they could check everything out, and have a quiet dinner together, before the rest of the guests would arrive.

Maura's parents had kept the location a surprise. And when they drove up to the venue, it had the desired effect; it was very beautiful and elegant.

Around the outside of what could only be describe as a small castle, were cedar wood decks, a large fountain, and a comfortable, stylish seating area that looked out straight onto the ocean.

While the outside resembled an old castle, the ambiance inside did even more so; it was like stepping back in time. It was decorated in low earth tones, accented with white and cream colors. With large chandeliers hanging from high ceilings. The lighting warm and low, together with the decorations, it made it feel like everything was glowing; just a little bit.

The whole place was very romantic, and Maura was positively beaming, she loved it.

Jane was a little overwhelmed. She really did love the place, and she appreciated Constance and Alexander for organizing the party, or event, for them; really she did. However, she knew that soon she would be stepping into a room of about two hundred people. The majority of them would be strangers to her, upper class Bostonians and other friends of the Isles family. It made her incredibly nervous, and fidgety.

Maura was talking to her parents and to the hostess of the party, while Jane was standing kind of awkwardly to the side, subconsciously rubbing her hands. She was already starting to feel uncomfortable, so when her phone rang, it was the perfect opportunity for her to excuse herself and take a minute alone.

"Rizzoli," she answered, without really checking the caller I.D.

It had been Korsak, telling her they had arranged for extra security to inconspicuously patrol around the grounds. It was the best they could do, and Jane just hoped it was enough.

When she got off the phone, she stayed outside and headed over to the area overlooking the ocean. She sat herself down on one of the chairs and stared out onto the water, getting lost in thought; her thumbs tracing the scars on her hands. They hardly ever hurt anymore, and she had put the trauma behind her. But it _had_ changed who she was, and sometimes she wondered what kind of person she would be without them, without the experience of torture and pain. It didn't really matter, she was who she was, and that was okay. And in just a few months she was going to get married; to Maura. A smile crept on her face thinking about that.

Jane was interrupted in her musings when two arms slid around her neck.

"I missed you," Maura softly spoke in her ear, "you okay?"

The brunette reached for Maura's arms and pulled her around and on her lap, wrapping her arms around the smaller frame of her fiancee.

"I'm fine," Jane responded.

"You sure?" Maura shifted a little, so she could put her hands on Jane's face, gently caressing the soft skin with her thumbs.

"I am. Maybe, just a little nervous?" Brown eyes looked into hazel with just a little concern, "I won't know most of the people here tonight. What if I make a complete fool of myself. I'm not exactly high class, Maur. They'll probably hmppff - ."

Maura had interrupted the brunette with a kiss, "Jane, you are beautiful, intelligent, and funny. People are going to love you. Even if they don't, it doesn't matter, because I love you; just the way you are. And I feel very fortunate I'm going to be able to spend the rest of my life with you."

The doctor leaned in for another kiss, letting it linger a little longer than the one before, "if you get uncomfortable tonight, just look at me, and remember that." She gave the brunette one more peck on the lips, before adding playfully, "and if that doesn't help, you can think about all the ways I am going to show you, how much I love you, when we get back home tonight."

Jane groaned a little, she was just about to open her mouth with a smart reply, when they got interrupted by the sound of three very excited Rizzoli's looking for them.

* * *

The evening was definitely not as bad as Jane had thought, it was actually really nice. Most of the people at the party were kind and friendly. Some of them were a little out there; a little stiff like Frankie and Tommy called them. Jane just smiled warmly at those few, yet tried to give them a wide birth otherwise.

Maura was a little more used to this type of crowd, and so the doctor easily mingled, reacquainting herself with friends of her family. But most of the night she stayed close to Jane, holding her hand whenever possible.

So it was a little disconcerting for the detective, when at one point she couldn't find Maura anywhere. She didn't want to overreact, yet she quickly found Korsak and Frost across the room, asking them with her eyes if they had seen the doctor anywhere.

When both of them shook their heads, she motioned for them to follow her outside.

* * *

It took them almost five minutes until they spotted the blonde, standing by herself, looking out over the ocean. Jane was trying to keep her cool, but she walked as quickly up to her as she could; without looking like she was running.

"Hey Maur, where were you? I've been looking for you." The detective tried very hard to keep the anxiety out of her voice.

Maura looked up at her like she had been miles away lost in thought. "I'm sorry," she said, her eyes traveling back towards the water.

"Don't be sorry, tell me what's going on? Did someone do something, or say something to you?" Jane took a hold of one of the doctor's hands, trying to grab her attention.

Maura sighed deeply, "Paddy Doyle was here," she said, her voice low.

"What? When? Are you okay?" It wasn't very articulate, but it was all the brunette could come up with at the moment.

"Just now, I went outside to see someone off. And when I turned around he was right there. He wanted to talk to me." the doctor finally looked up and was met with stormy dark brown eyes.

A mobster, even though he was Maura's biological father, had come to their engagement party, uninvited. That bastard somehow evaded all the security they had watching the place.

Paddy Doyle just popped in and out of his daughter's life whenever he felt like it. He was nothing but a murderer, a sperm donor. Jane could barely restrain the anger she felt rising up inside of her.

Why couldn't he just leave Maura be, or at least go back into the shadows, like before; unseen.

"Don't worry. We'll get him." Jane finally managed to say.

"I don't know if I want you to," the blonde reluctantly admitted.

Jane looked completely shocked from hearing those words come out of Maura's mouth. "Why would …?" she shook her head, "it doesn't matter, it's not up to me." The brunette took a deep breath, trying to shake off the distress and frustration she was feeling. '_This is our engagement party for crying out loud. How dare that …man, come around here, tonight of all nights, and mess with Maura's head again,_' she thought.

Maura could see that the detective was losing control of her emotions, "I'm okay, Jane."

"He had no right to come here tonight. He puts your life in danger every time he decides to show up, Maura." Jane was pacing around, working off the anxiety she felt, until a gentle hand on her arm stopped her mid stride. "Jane, please don't let this, ..._him_, ruin our evening."

The detective turned around and locked eyes with Maura; she was right. So Jane made the conscious decision to not give Paddy Doyle another thought tonight; it could be dealt with tomorrow.

"Okay," she grabbed onto the blonde's hand, "you're right. This is our night, and nobody is going to ruin that."

A ghost of a smile finally appeared on Maura's face, she tightly wrapped her arms around a slender waist, leaning her head against a firm, yet soft shoulder.

Jane pulled the doctor closer and let herself relax into the embrace, the tension slowly seeping out of her body. She placed a tender kiss on the top of Maura's head, then took a step back; reluctantly removing herself from her fiancee's warm body, but still holding onto a delicate hand. "Now, how about a dance?" she finally spoke, and when the request was greeted with a bright smile, she knew the rest of the evening was going to be just...perfect.

* * *

**A/N: First of all - HAPPY NEW YEAR! and...OMG it's 2013.**

**Thank you for all the alerts I received on this story; it means a lot.**

**A special thank you to everyone that's been kind enough to leave me a review. YOU ROCK! Seriously. I appreciate the feedback, good or bad, so much.**

**I'll update again with another chapter before the weekend. **

**The drama will be kicked up a notch very soon. Hope you're ready for it.**

**Finally *points to the box below* any thoughts?**


	4. Before It Breaks

**A/N: I promised one more before the weekend, so here it is.**

* * *

Chapter 4

* * *

The rest of the party had passed without incident. It took Jane and Maura a little while to put Doyle out of their minds, but when they did, they had been able to enjoy the rest of the evening.

Maura's parents really had organized a lovely event for them, and they were very grateful for the time and effort they had put into it. Especially Maura was overjoyed with the time she had been able to spend with both her mother and her father, for the moment, her run in with Doyle all but forgotten. Unfortunately her parents wouldn't be able to stay in Boston for much longer. Alexander had a speaking engagement in New York on Monday, and a few days later they were both traveling back to London for the opening of Constance's new art gallery.

They had a leisurely brunch together on Sunday afternoon, after which a town car came to pick Mr. and Mrs. Isles up, to bring them to the airport. Maura had been somewhat in a funk ever since.

Jane had tried to cheer her up, but her attempts had so far been unsuccessful, so she decided just to give her fiancee some space until later.

The detective was lying stretched out on the couch. Watching TV with one eye, while keeping the other on Maura, who was sitting in a chair with a book on her lap. Jane could tell she wasn't actually reading, since she hadn't changed the page in at least thirty minutes.

When the blonde let out a deep sigh, for the third time in as many minutes, Jane turned the TV off, and walked over to Maura. The detective kneeled down in front of the moping woman, hands slowly rubbing her thighs, to get her attention. "What's wrong, Maur?" she quietly asked.

Distracted hazel eyes met her own.

"Are you upset because your parents left?" Jane tried again, kind of asking the obvious, but hoping it would get the blonde to open up a bit.

To her surprise, Maura shook her head.

"No? Then what's bothering you, babe? Maybe I can help." Jane gently squeezed the doctor's legs, giving her some encouragement.

Maura worried her bottom lip, "it's just something my…_Paddy_ told me."

The brunette fought to keep her expression neutral, she swallowed, but stayed silent, waiting for Maura to continue.

Maura closed the book that was still laying on her lap and put it on the side table, before looking back at Jane. "He said he would tell me who my mother is, I told him I already have a mother and a father; that I didn't need his information, or him."

"What did he say?" Jane asked, taking Maura's hands gently into her own.

"Not much. He said, he would tell me when I was ready. Then he congratulated me on our engagement and disappeared," she shook her head.

Jane knew how badly Maura wanted to know where she came from, and who her biological mother was, or is. "But now you wish he told you?" she asked, already anticipating the answer.

The doctor looked at a spot on the chair's armrest for a long time, organizing her thoughts, trying to formulate her response, "I do. It probably doesn't make any sense, but I want to know who she is, Jane."

"It makes sense, Maur. You want to know your roots, I get it." Jane put her hands on Maura's shoulders, "I just wish Doyle wouldn't play with you like that, he should've told you a long time ago."

Maura nodded, wishing the same thing. She leaned forward and pulled the brunette close against her. Even though she was still confused and a little upset, she was happy in knowing, that no matter what, she would always have Jane.

"Hey," she suddenly said, realizing something. "Whatever is going on with the Whistler Factory case?"

Jane reluctantly pushed herself away from Maura and got up from her seated position on the floor. "We found something," she said, then proceeded to fill the doctor in, on what they had discovered the day before.

* * *

The next day, they were back at work. Frost, Korsak, and Maura were sitting in the squad room, trying to convince a very agitated brunette detective, that the plan they had come up with was their best option.

"No," Jane protested, "we're not going to use Maura as bait. This is a killer we're talking about, it's too dangerous."

"We can take precautions," Frost tried to convince Jane, "she can wear a wire, so we'll know what's going on at all times. We'll be right there."

Korsak, who would have the final say, directed his attention to Maura. "What do you think, Dr. Isles?"

"He's already tried to kill me once, I'd rather do something, than wait for him to try again when we least expect it." The doctor was actually oddly thrilled she might have the opportunity to do this, however she thought it best to hide her enthusiasm for the moment, knowing it would not go over well with Jane at all.

The older detective put his hand on Jane's shoulder, who instantly shrugged it off, "I'm sorry, Jane. But I think flushing this guy out, instead of waiting for him to strike again, is our best bet."

Jane was grinding her teeth, her lips pulled in a firm line. She glared first at Korsak, then Frost, and finally at Maura. With the decision now made, and knowing there was nothing more she could do; she briskly left the room without saying another word.

* * *

About thirty minutes later, Frost found her downstairs in the gym, pounding on a dummy, like her life depended on it. Her body soaked in sweat from the vigorous work out.

He stepped into his partner's eyesight, which made her stop. She was bent over, breathing hard, trying to catch her breath.

"Everything is going to be fine, Jane." Frost finally said, trying to reassure her. "We'll keep Maura safe."

The brunette gave the dummy another hard punch, "I have a bad feeling about this, Frost. Something is off."

"If you have any other ideas, to catch this guy. I'll go with you to Korsak, and we'll do it your way."

Jane glanced at him, he knew as well as she did, that she didn't have any other plans, not yet anyway; yet she appreciated the intent of the gesture. She could always count on Barry to have her back, and she had his; they made a good team.

"I got nothing," she finally admitted.

"It's going to be okay," he said, trying again to reassure her.

"We'll see," was all she said. Maybe Frost was right, and she was just worrying too much. How could she not; the attempt on Maura's life and her subsequent meeting with Paddy Doyle, did have an impact on her thinking. "Fine, what time are we doing this?"

"Two hours," Frost replied.

"Okay, I'll meet you guys upstairs in thirty minutes."

"Going to take a few more minutes with your 'friend' here?" Frost joked.

She briefly laughed, then turned serious again, directing her attention back to the dummy. Giving it a hard kick for good measure.

* * *

As agreed upon, two hours later, they were setting up at the burned down warehouse. Frost, Korsak and Frankie were going over some final details outside, while Jane was helping Maura put on the wire under her clothes.

The doctor was way too excited to be doing this, and Jane was worried. She was only listening with half an ear, while Maura was going on about how this was her first undercover assignment.

"This microphone doesn't make me look like I have three breasts, does it?" Maura said, pulling Jane into the conversation.

They bantered back and forth for a few moments, Maura getting more and more animated.

When Korsak told them, it was time to go, the doctor actually clapped her hands, and jumped up and down for a few seconds. Jane realized it was time to instill the severity of the situation once again to her fiancee.

"Maur, listen to me. This is serious. Someone is trying to kill you." Jane's hands took a firm hold of Maura's biceps.

The doctor actually looked a little offended, "you don't have to tell me that, I was there when he nearly drove me over."

"We're only letting you do this, because we're hoping that whoever this guy is, he's desperate enough to follow you into that warehouse, and try again." Jane took a deep breath, "But we're going to be ready this time, okay?"

Maura still looked way too excited, "I'm ready," she said, with a big smile. "Oh wait, what do you guys say to each other, right before you pull the string."

Jane briefly closed her eyes, "it's called a sting, Maura. And we say, don't get made."

"Oh, I like that. Don't get made." The doctor said, moving her head from side to side, trying to sound all tough, but when Jane didn't smile back at her, she grabbed onto her arms as well.

For a moment, Jane ignored the fact, that both Korsak and Frankie would be able to hear every word she said. "I love you. I'm going to keep you safe, okay," she whispered, then leaned in to capture Maura's lips in a short but sweet kiss.

Maura, a little surprised by the public display of affection, but not complaining, looked intently into Jane's eyes. "Don't look so worried, what could go wrong," she said, trying to relief the woman's anxiety.

The detective didn't even want to respond to that. She knew all too well the things that could go wrong during an undercover operation.

* * *

**A/N2: This was the last of the build up chapters before the warehouse events.**

**I am a little worried about what the reactions will be once I post the next chapter, but...I can't change what I have planned. You'll either like it or you won't. All I can do is write to the best of my ability, and promise you I know what I am doing. That, and remind you that my stories will always have a happy ending.**

**With that out of the way. What did you think of this one?**


	5. Tragedy

**A/N: I should probably warn you that the drama in this chapter is more like tragedy, and somebody will die.**

* * *

Chapter 5

* * *

Maura was inside the burned down warehouse, appearing to be examining the building's blueprints, when in fact she was waiting for the killer to show up.

Jane and Frost were standing hidden around the corner, with their guns drawn, intently listening for any sound that could indicate their suspect was there. Korsak and Frankie were in a car outside, ready to jump into action when needed.

All of a sudden, Jane spotted a figure out of the corner of her eye. "What are you doing here?", she silently mouthed, her eyes pointing daggers at the unexpected intruder.

Agent Dean locked eyes with the brunette detective and just shook his head, indicating there was no time for him to explain his presence.

Jane looked over at Frost, asking him without words if he knew why the FBI had just joined their undercover operation. But the younger detective just shrugged his shoulders, indicating he had no idea either.

Regrettably Jane was all too familiar with this particular FBI agent. A few years ago the two had gone on one date, well, half a date really, since Jane had quickly found out she couldn't stand the man and she'd left him before dinner was finished.

Unfortunately their paths still crossed occasionally, and here he was again at their undercover operation.

There were only ever two reasons for him to show up in Boston. It was either because of Hoyt and one of his apprentices, or Doyle. Since the first option was very unlikely, Dean's appearance had to do with the latter.

Which meant... '_oh no_', Jane realized, '_Doyle was here_'.

Jane was just about to clue her partner in when a man's voice was heard throughout the building, "You looking for where Greg died?"

All three of them immediately refocused on the situation at hand. Jane covertly glanced around the corner, while making sure she was completely out of sight.

"Yes," she could hear Maura say, the doctor's voice was calm.

"It's Kevin Flynn," Jane softly whispered to Frost.

"I had to make people understand that they just can't keep laying us off," Kevin defended himself, "and then Greg started digging around, just like you."

Jane's gut instinct went into overdrive, hearing the implied threat to Maura. All three of them moved to step in, when she heard the doctor's cry, "Kevin, don't!" Followed by a gun shot.

Then seemingly time moved faster and slowed down at the same time.

Paddy Doyle was standing high above them on a catwalk. His gun still smoking from the shot he had just taken; he had brought down and killed Kevin Flynn.

Agent Dean jumped out, gun raised, "drop your weapon, Doyle," he said, aiming his gun at the mobster.

Jane followed quickly behind, "Dean, no!" she yelled out, but it was too late. The agent had already taken the shot, hitting Doyle square in the abdomen.

The mobster grabbed at the wound, then aimed his gun, took a shot, and hit Dean.

With that many shots being taken in such short succession, all Jane could do was act herself. She raised her gun, training it on Doyle, her finger flexing to pull the trigger, when she heard Maura scream at her.

"Jane, no!"

And for just a split second, the detective hesitated. She looked at her fiancee, instead of at the mobster, who was still pointing his gun at her.

So when the gun went off, it took Jane by surprise, and so did the shove against her body that momentarily knocked her off balance.

In the corner of her eye, she saw her partner Frost fall to the ground, and she quickly turned her head back to Doyle. She took aim, 'double tap', hitting the mobster twice, both times center mass.

Paddy Doyle staggered momentarily, then started tumbling backwards, crashing through the railing of the catwalk; falling, only stopping when he hit the ground below with a sickening thud.

* * *

Jane immediately stumbled over to the men lying on the ground behind her. Agent Dean was down, groaning and clutching at his leg. But he would be fine, and Jane directed her attention to detective Frost, who still hadn't moved. He was lying face down, blood starting to pool around his body.

"Frost, no." Jane grabbed his shoulders and turned him around, to inspect his injuries. A large bullet hole in the middle of his chest. Her fingers went to his neck, checking for a pulse, but she couldn't find one. Fear and panic were starting to overtake her, but her actions came from instinct. The detective put Frost down on his back, and started administering CPR; her hands on his chest, pumping in a life giving rhythm.

"Maura!" Jane shouted, while continuing her actions. Occasionally stopping the massaging of Frost's heart, to breath air into his lungs.

The detective looked over to where she had last seen the doctor, and she was met with something that angered her deep inside her bones. Maura was bent down over her biological father, a mobster, a killer, and she was crying. Clutching on to him, saying something that Jane couldn't hear.

The brunette kept up her efforts on Frost, focusing on her partner instead of what was happening on the other side of the warehouse.

Time felt as if it had sped up, even though in reality, only two, maybe three minutes had passed.

"Frankie, call a bus!" Korsak shouted at the younger Rizzoli, falling on his knees next to Jane. "What happened?" he asked, taking over the brunette's efforts to revive Frost.

Jane was unable to speak, she was just staring at her partner bleeding out on the ground. Several thoughts racing through her head, one after the other. _'Frost took a bullet, that was meant for me. I hesitated, and Frost got shot, because of me. Frost is dying, because of me.'_

Frankie came running inside, "they're three minutes out," he said almost breathless. He glanced at his sister, who looked like she was going into shock. "You hurt? Where's Maura?" he asked, trying to catch her eyes.

Jane slowly shook her head, then lifted her hand and pointed to the other side of the building.

The younger Rizzoli looked to where Jane was pointing, "what the fuck is she doing over there? She should be here, helping Frost," Frankie shouted angrily.

It wasn't long until they were joined by several EMT's and paramedics, who quickly pushed them out of the way, so they could attend to the injured.

After his initial treatment Agent Dean had managed to hoist himself off the ground. He was now calling his own unit to join him at the scene.

When Jane saw the federal agent getting up, something inside of her snapped, and she lunged at the man. She would have hit him too, if it wasn't for Frankie holding her back; struggling to restrain his sister.

"Jane, stop! Go outside," Korsak said, trying to redirect the brunette's attention.

Jane refused to move, not wanting to leave Frost's side. The paramedics were working diligently to revive him, trying to get him to breath, to get a pulse. They used the defibrillator on his chest several times, each time increasing the power, but with no result.

Until finally, it was over.

With the damage that was done, the amount of blood he had lost, the time that had passed since it happened. There was nothing more they could do.

Frost had died almost instantly.

Even with all of their efforts, they couldn't bring him back. First Jane, then Korsak, and finally the paramedics had tried to revive him, but it had been in vain.

Detective Barry Frost was gone.

Around the same time the news sank in with everyone present, that they had lost one of their own, Jane could hear Maura's cries. The doctor obviously in shock herself, was trying to shield Doyle's lifeless body, from the paramedics who were trying to move him.

Even though she was almost drowning in sadness and anger, Jane couldn't withstand Maura's distress. She walked over to where the doctor was still on her knees next to the mobster on the ground. With a quick motion, she pulled Maura up and tried to turn her around to hold her.

Jane didn't know what she expected to happen, but it was definitely not what actually did happen.

"Don't touch me," Maura shouted pushing Jane away from her, "don't you dare touch me."

The brunette quickly withdrew her hands, as if she was burned.

Maura, completely submerged within her own emotions, completely unaware of anything else that had happened, of anyone else that got injured, just gave Jane a deadly glare.

"This is your fault, you killed him…you...executed him," she spat at the detective, then turned to go back to Doyle's body.

Jane was in complete shock at Maura's reaction. The look in the doctor's hazel eyes, was one of utter hate and disdain. Put that together with the few words she had spoken, it irrevocably damaged something deep inside of Jane; her heart.

The detective staggered backwards a few steps, then turned and all but ran out of the building. Where she was met with the sight of detective Frost's remains disappearing into a body bag, before being lifted into a waiting car.

Jane bent over at the middle, and emptied the contents of her stomach. She would have toppled over to the ground, if it wasn't for her brother's hand steadying her, leading her off to the side, away from prying eyes.

The detective slid down against the wall. Her legs pulled up against her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around them. Her eyes were closed, and she felt herself slide into a state of complete shock, where she would be unable to respond to anything or anyone. She was getting lost in her own mind, and she didn't care, so she let the darkness overtake her.

Frankie sat down next to his sister, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, trying to keep her warm. Hoping his presence would be enough to help her come back out of it.

* * *

At the same time, Maura was leaving the building, still unaware of anything that happened beside the initial shots being fired.

When Kevin Flynn pulled out his gun, she had crouched on the ground, covering her head. She heard, rather than seen the gun, that killed Kevin. She had looked up and saw Paddy Doyle, standing high above her on the cat walk. And then it was as if all hell broke lose. She saw agent Dean step forward, aiming his gun at her father. She heard Jane shout something, then Dean shot her father. Another shot had come from above and Dean dropped to the ground. Then Jane aimed her gun at Doyle, and Maura yelled 'no'. Then everything became a blur, when several more shots were fired. And when she looked back up, her father came crashing to the ground. '_Why had Jane shot him?'_

She had kneeled next to Doyle on the ground, and even though she had tried to help him, he had died shortly after. Jane had killed her father, and the emotions that swirled around inside her head were confusing.

Completely dazed she had sat there, next to him. Hearing sounds, voices, but not really registering what they were saying. And then the paramedics came, and wanted to move her father's body out of there. But they couldn't do that, he was supposed to tell her who her biological mother was. If they could bring him back, he could tell her. She had cried out at the paramedics, then soon after, she was pulled up by two familiar hands. She had turned around, furiously looking at the face of the person that took the answers away from her. And all the while she was thinking, _'why had Jane killed her father?_

* * *

It was at that moment, when Maura was trying to replay everything that happened in her head. Still trying to make sense of it all. When she was grabbed by the arm, and not too kindly, by a very upset looking sergeant detective Korsak.

"What did you say to her?" he tore into Maura.

The doctor's mouth fell open, not quite understanding the man's brutality with her.

"I…I," Maura was actually a little frightened, she had never seen Korsak this angry, ever. The man usually was all friendly, caring, polite, and full of jokes.

He had no right to treat her like this, it was _her_ father that had just gotten killed here.

"She killed my father," Maura defended herself.

"What is wrong with you?" Korsak finally let go of her arm, but stayed standing in front of her, blocking her escape.

"Wha…what do you mean, what's wrong with me?" the doctor was actually a little offended.

The older detective wasn't sure what he should say next, he briefly wondered if Maura even knew exactly what had happened, or if she had been so caught up by Doyle that everything else had gone over her head. He opted for the first choice, since he refused to believe that this woman, that was always so kind and warm to everyone, could be this cold hearted.

"You have no idea what happened, do you?" His face finally took on a more neutral expression.

Maura looked at him puzzled, of course she knew what happened, "agent Dean, crashed our undercover operation. He shot my fa-… Doyle; who then shot _him_. Then Jane shot and killed Doyle," she explained.

Korsak shook his head briefly, "Maura, Doyle shot _Frost_."

"What?" hazel eyes widened in shock, "that's not possible. Is he okay? Where is he?"

"He didn't make it, Maura. Frost is dead."

The doctor shook her head in horror, things all of sudden started to make sense. If she believed it was possible, she could have sworn her heart just dropped into her stomach. Her mind was going over the things she had just told her fiancee. "Jane, where's Jane?" she frantically asked the older detective.

Korsak looked around, he didn't know where the brunette had gone off to. His eyes scanning the crowd, he spotted the brunette detective's brother standing to the side.

At the same time Frankie saw them too. The young man's face was dark and angry, with quick strides he made it over to Maura.

"It should have been me," he shouted at the doctor.

"What?" Maura responded, confused.

"It should have been me," Frankie repeated, "that's what Jane was saying, over and over. It should have been me, it should have been me."

Maura clasped a hand in front of her mouth.

Korsak directed his attention to Frankie, "where is Jane now?"

"I don't know," Frankie fiercely shook his head, "She snapped out of it, said she was fine. She asked me to get her some water. I left her alone for less than a minute, and she was gone. We have to find her, Korsak."

The older detective looked at both Maura and Frankie, "we'll find her. We'll find her." He repeated, several times, as much for their benefit as well as his own.

* * *

**A/N: Yes, sorry to all the Frost fans. I didn't want to kill him, really I didn't; I like the guy. It was just me playing the 'what if' game. 'What if' Jane had actually hesitated when Maura screamed, 'No'!, what would have happened? At the end of 3x1 when they were in the hospital, Maura asked Paddy if he would have shot Jane, he said, 'hell yes, she's a cop.' So I believe if Jane hadn't take that shot, either Jane or Frost would have gotten hit. I didn't want Jane to be the one to get shot, because it's been done. So Frost died a hero, saving his partner.**

**I'm sure you didn't need an explanation, but I felt like giving it to you. ;)**

**So any thoughts? *hides***


	6. Throw It All Away

Chapter 6

* * *

Jane had driven around aimlessly for about an hour, not really knowing where to go.

She didn't want to go home. Because home meant Maura, and the honey blonde had made it very clear what she thought of Jane.

Maura thought Jane was a killer, and she was right.

On top of that, Jane was so angry with the doctor. She had just stood there, crying over a mobster, like she cared for that killer.

She had tried to help that… sperm donor, instead of trying to save Frost.

Jane knew she didn't want to deal with any of her other family members either. So that left her with few choices.

She finally stopped her car near the Boston harbor, she got out of her car and walked towards the water. She found a bench that would give her a fair amount of privacy and sat down, head in her hands.

Jane felt absolutely devastated.

There was nothing worse for an officer of the law than to lose your partner. Except, maybe, when it was your own mistake that got him killed.

Jane had gotten distracted, she had hesitated, and it had gotten Frost killed.

Her partner had saved her life, he had her back, but she didn't have his. It was her fault, and there was nothing she could do to change it.

The bullet had been aimed at her. It should have been her that got killed. It would have been better that way.

* * *

Korsak and Frankie were driving around Boston, looking for Jane.

They had urged for Maura and Angela to go to their respective homes, in case the brunette would show up at either of those places.

In the meantime, both men checked any of their usual haunts for any sign of the detective. The dirty robber, her old apartment, the gym, the batting cages, the bar on 14th street. Even several unlikely places, that Jane used to go to when she was upset as a kid.

They had tried to track her cell phone, but it hadn't pinged. Jane had obviously turned the device off.

Korsak knew that if Jane didn't want to be found, she would make damn sure that she wasn't.

* * *

After several hours of futile searching, they reconvened at Maura's home in Beacon Hill.

The doctor was beside herself worrying. Even though her main concern was to find Jane, it didn't mean she had forgotten that today was also the day she had lost her biological father, and with him the answers to her questions. It was an impossible situation. Whether he had thought it was self defense or not, her father had tried to kill her fiancee, and only because of detective Frost's interference was Jane still alive. But at the moment it felt like she might have lost her just the same. If not physically, than definitely emotionally.

She hated Doyle for what he had done, or tried to do. But a part of her mourned the man as well, and she couldn't explain to herself why she felt that way. And on top of that she felt the pain from the loss of detective Frost; Barry, who had become a friend to her as well. She would always be thankful to him for saving Jane's life. But Jane's life wouldn't have been in danger, if it wasn't for Paddy Doyle. The swirling emotions, confusing thoughts, and guilt she felt, were driving her slowly insane.

The only thing that kept her going at the moment, was her need to find Jane. Right now, that was all that mattered.

"Anything?" she asked the older detective when he stepped inside her house.

Korsak didn't have to say anything, the look on his face said it all, "I'm sorry, Maura. We're trying to track her phone, but I don't think she wants to be found."

Maura wiped at the tears that were slowly trickling down her face. "Oh, god. What if something happens to her. What if she never comes back, what if -" a sob wracked through her small frame.

"Doc, Jane can take care of herself, okay. She'll be back, don't worry." Korsak tried to reassure the distraught blonde.

* * *

Jane didn't know how long she had been sitting there, on that bench, near the water. The evening had grown dark and cold hours ago, the previously busy area, now completely abandoned.

The detective quickly became aware of her now vulnerable position, so she got up and made her way back to her car.

She opened the door, and sat down in the driver's seat, locking the doors behind her. She put the key in the ignition, but didn't turn it. She still didn't know where to go.

What was she supposed to do, go home? See the one person she really didn't want to see right now.

Go to her old apartment? A place that for some reason she'd never gotten rid of yet. They would find her within the hour.

Go to her mother's place? No way she could deal with the overbearing nature of the matriarch of the family today.

Get a motel room? It's not like she would be able to sleep.

Go to a bar? She didn't have the desire or energy to get drunk tonight.

Jane finally just took her hand off the key, and rested her head on the steering wheel. She tightly closed her eyes, "I'm so sorry, Frost. So sorry," she whispered into the night, like a mantra, over and over again.

* * *

The next morning, when the sun first arrived on the horizon, Jane finally started her car and drove away.

She was tired and miserable. Not surprisingly she wasn't in the least bit hungry either, even though she hadn't eaten since yesterday morning.

The detective stopped at a random gas station and bought herself a cup of coffee. When she sat back down in her car, she finally turned her phone back on.

It buzzed for several long seconds, indicating dozens of missed calls, texts and voice mails. She knew she was in trouble, but she couldn't muster the energy to care.

She didn't even bother to listen to, or read, any of the messages.

Within minutes of turning the device back on, the phone started ringing. She checked the caller I.D., it was Maura; she just let it ring.

Twenty minutes later, she drove up to BPD. She knew her boss would expect her to meet with internal affairs that morning, and she wanted to work off some of her frustration and anger in the gym downstairs, before they would arrive.

She geared up in her gym clothes, and started taking her aggression out on the dummy. Trying not to think about the fact, that only yesterday, she had been doing the exact same thing, when Frost had come down to talk to her.

Jane tried to hit, and kick the thing as hard as she could; not really aware that she was being quietly observed.

"You look like hell Rizzoli," came the voice of the most hated detective in the homicide squad.

"Fuck off, Crowe" she snarled, her eyes warning him to shut his mouth.

"Or what Rizzoli," Crowe taunted, "you don't have the balls to take me on. Maybe you can ask that sexy lady of yours to help you. She got you whipped pretty good after all."

Jane didn't know if Crowe actually had a death wish, or if he really was unaware of what had happened yesterday. On a normal day, Jane would have given the bastard some snarky remark and let it go. But after everything that had happened in the last 24 hours, she just didn't have the strength to walk away.

Instead all that Jane saw was red. The brunette unexpectedly lunged forward and punched detective Crowe in the face, hard. The overweight man stumbled to the ground, flat on his back. Jane put her knee on top of his chest, and came completely unhinged. She hit detective Crowe repeatedly, until she was dragged away by two other officers that had seen, and heard, what happened. Both men were holding her by her arms, but having great difficulty restraining Jane from diving back to hit Crowe some more.

"Let me go," she shouted, trying to break free from their grasp.

"Rizzoli!" Cavanaugh's voice boomed through the gym. It seemed to finally bring the brunette back to her senses.

"Take him to get treated," the Lt. commanded one of the officers, who quickly helped Crowe up and took him out of there, the beat up detective clutching his face, moaning in pain.

Jane watched him leave the room, feeling absolutely no remorse.

"Five minutes, my office, Rizzoli." Cavanaugh's voice brokered no argument.

* * *

She'd just had enough time to throw her work clothes back on, and five minutes later, Jane was standing in front of her boss's office.

She felt like hell, and knew that she looked even worse.

She took a deep breath, then knocked on the door.

After the detective was called in, she quickly realized that it wasn't going to be just her in there today.

The head of internal affairs was sitting in a chair next to Lt. Cavanaugh. Opposite them was Agent Gabriel Dean. Leaving just one empty chair for the brunette.

"Take a seat, detective Rizzoli." The head of internal affairs looked at her, and a feeling of foreboding crept up Jane's spine. This was not going to be good.

* * *

An hour later, Jane left the office. Without her badge or her gun.

After what had happened yesterday, put together with her disappearance overnight, and her beating of detective Crowe that morning, it was decided Jane needed to be put on extended leave.

They were worried about her mental stability at the moment. It really wasn't that uncommon. Most detectives that lost a partner in the line of duty would have been given some sort of time off. But in Jane's case it was the opposite of what she wanted, what she needed was to be able to focus completely on her work. But what she got was too much time to think.

If she had been angry before, she was absolutely raging at the moment. She had to get out of there, now, before she would say or do something that would ruin her career beyond repair.

She stepped on the elevator, ready to leave the building, to go…somewhere; to be anywhere but where she was right now.

Thankfully for Jane, nobody tried to stop her.

* * *

The news of what happened with detective Rizzoli and detective Crowe had quickly spread throughout BPD. Korsak and Frankie had heard the news as soon as they stepped into the bullpen. A measure of relief had overcome them, knowing that at least Jane had reappeared.

Now they just had to wait patiently until the brunette was finished with her meeting with Cavanaugh and IA.

Korsak was sitting at his desk, when he saw Agent Dean, walking on crutches, on his way to the elevator,

"Agent Dean?" the older detective motioned the federal agent over.

"Detective Korsak," the smarmy man said, "what can I do for you?"

"You can tell me what the hell you were doing at our undercover job yesterday," Frankie interjected angrily.

Dean looked a little taken aback by the aggression that was coming at him, but recovered quickly, "it's need to know gentlemen."

He tried to walk away, but Korsak blocked his path, "or you can try not being a dick for a change and tell us. You owe us at least that much."

The federal agent briefly considered their request, then motioned to one of the interrogation rooms, expecting them to follow him.

When all three of them were inside, he closed the door, "what I am going to tell you, does not leave the room."

Korsak gave him an imperceptible nod, and Dean started to explain.

He told them how the FBI knew Paddy Doyle was back in town, and they'd been trying to track him down.

They hadn't had much luck, until yesterday, when they finally caught up with him after following Maura. Which had been agent Dean's 'brilliant' idea, using his existing knowledge of the doctor's personal background to his own advantage. "I'm sorry for what happened," he said, "but my priority was to apprehend Doyle, by any means necessary."

Frankie looked like he was about to attack the federal agent; the man absolutely did not care at all for what his actions had cost them. All he cared about was his own mission, which in his mind he had completed successfully.

"I think it's best you leave now, Agent Dean," Korsak warned.

Thankfully for him, the smug man could take a cue, and left the room.

"What an asshole," Frankie was angry.

"He's a fed," the older detective replied, as if that was enough explanation, "lets go back and wait for Jane."

Both of them made their way back into the bullpen, where they were just in time to see Lt. Cavanaugh and the head of IA shake hands, after which the latter disappeared down the hall.

When Lt. Cavanaugh spotted Korsak staring at him, he motioned the detective over to enter his office.

The older detective quickly made his way over, and closed the door behind them.

"Before you hear it from anyone else," Cavanaugh started, "I had to sent Jane home. She's on leave until further notice."

"You put her on leave? Why?" Korsak asked his old friend.

"Vince, I had no choice. She beat Crowe to a pulp," the Lt. sadly shook his head. "IA thinks she's unstable, they wanted to suspend her, but I convinced them to change it to medical leave. At least this way she'll get paid."

"She's not unstable" the older detective raised his voice, "she lost her partner, she's just hurt."

"I know, Vince. But my hands are tied for now."

"Where is she?" Korsak asked.

"I don't know, she left probably about 10 minutes ago."

The older detective realized that because of their chat with Agent Dean, they had missed Jane leaving. And this time the brunette would be in an even worse state of mind than yesterday.

* * *

Unlike the day before, Jane had no qualms of finding a bar today. She just wanted to numb the pain and forget her troubles by getting plastered.

Of course she didn't go to the Dirty Robber, she wasn't stupid. They would call someone to get her within no time at all; it was a cop bar after all.

So she entered another local bar she'd been to before. One where she knew she could drink in peace, without anyone giving her a hard time for drinking during the daytime; since it wasn't even noon yet.

The brunette took a seat in the corner, and ordered herself a whiskey. Knowing the hard liquor would do the trick in the least amount of time. After quickly finishing her first drink, she told the bartender to keep 'm coming.

It really didn't take as long as she had expected to start feeling the buzz in her head. She knew she was going to regret her indulgence tomorrow, or even later today, but she just didn't care.

Jane continued chugging down the drinks, one after another. At one point losing count as to how many she'd had.

When the bartender finally cut her off, she took out her wallet and dropped a few bills on the counter.

Jane was smart enough not to get in her car and drive when she was this drunk, so she hailed a cab. She slid into the car, and without thinking she gave the address to the cabby, not even realizing that she had just given the man the location to Maura's house.

* * *

"Oh crap," Jane slurred, when they drove up to the home in Beacon Hill.

The brunette knew it was too late now, and she really didn't have much of a choice anyway. She'd have to go here sometime, at the very least to get some things, like clean clothes.

She threw some money at the cab driver, mumbled a thanks and tried to hoist herself out of the car.

It took her a while, but she finally made it to the front door. She was heavily leaning against the wall, thinking of where she had put her keys, when the door opened, revealing a teary eyed, blotchy skinned, blonde woman. Maura had obviously been crying.

"Jane," Maura's voice cracked, her eyes taking in the brunette's appearance. She had to suppress a gasp when she was met with a look from the detective that was so dark, the doctor never thought in a million years that Jane could ever look at her like that.

It was almost physically painful for Maura to see the normally friendly chocolate eyes, usually full of love, reflected back at her with such anger, fury and…hatred.

Jane pushed herself off the wall, and tried to brush by Maura into the house. But in her drunken state her body would not cooperate, and she walked against the door post instead. Letting out a string of curses, she almost toppled over.

Maura put her arms on Jane's shoulders to steady her, and immediately felt the brunette tense up under her touch.

If Jane would have been sober, she would not have let the doctor touch her at all. But since she was having a very difficult time staying upright, she had no choice but to let the doctor help her inside.

When Maura had pretty much dragged Jane into their bedroom, the brunette flopped down on the bed and closed her eyes.

Maura sat down on the bed, next to Jane. She reached for the brunette's hand, feeling the need to reconnect in some way. But it was absolutely the wrong move at the wrong time. Jane jerked her hand away, her eyes flashing open, swirling with negative emotions, and piercing into Maura's.

"I'm so sorry, Jane." Maura cried, "I…I didn't realize. I didn't know."

Jane just stared at the crying blonde for a while. Her mind was only half present at the moment, everything was fuzzy from all the liquor she had ingested. The few conscious thoughts she did have, were dark and brooding. She was overwhelmed by the pain she felt, from the loss of her partner, Frost. From Maura pushing her away after it happened, calling her a killer.

But more than pain, Jane felt so much hate at the moment. For Paddy Doyle, and for agent Dean. Yet the majority of hate was reserved for herself.

Jane opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out, and shortly after she slipped into unconsciousness.

Maura got up from the bed and just stood there for a while, staring at her fiancee.

Never in her life had Maura Isles felt so hurt, alone, and confused, as in that one moment.

* * *

When Maura went to bed several hours later, she hesitated getting in. She had no idea what Jane's response would be when she would find her there in the morning.

After debating with herself for several long moments, and hoping for the best, the doctor finally slipped under the covers and turned off the light.

Maura turned around, her back towards the brunette, and closed her eyes. She tried to calm her breathing, forcing her body to relax, but she was having a hard time falling asleep.

On top of everything that had happened these past few days, this was not how she and Jane slept together; they were never this far apart.

Maura was just about to give up, and get up to go to the guest room or the couch, when she felt Jane shifting behind her.

The brunette slid closer on the bed, spooning Maura from behind, one arm wrapped around her slender waist.

Maura knew Jane was still deep asleep, she could tell by her slow and steady breathing. The action of the brunette moving closer, had been completely subconscious. Jane always gravitated towards her when she was asleep. She also knew that if Jane would have been awake at this moment, this would not have happened.

Yet it was just too comfortable to resist, and Maura desperately needed the contact. So she put her hand on top of Jane's, took a deep breath, and finally fell asleep.

* * *

When Maura woke up the next morning, Jane was gone. The only evidence that she had been there at all, was the engagement ring that had been left behind on the night stand.

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**


	7. Gone

**A/N: There's a funeral in this chapter and some other parts that might be triggering to some readers. Fair warning.**

* * *

Chapter 7

* * *

It had been two days since Jane had left Maura's house in the early morning hours.

She had woken up that morning, confused, her head pounding from the effects of the alcohol she had ingested the previous day, and it had taken her a moment to figure out where she was.

The comfort of the bed, and the warm body she was wrapped around, almost made her fall back asleep.

Unfortunately, it didn't take long for the events from the previous days to come back to her, quickly followed by the feelings of sadness and guilt.

Very carefully, trying not to wake Maura, Jane had disentangled herself and slipped out of bed.

She had gotten dressed, planning to leave right away, but for some reason she was frozen on the spot.

For long minutes she had just stood there in the bedroom, next to Maura, watching her sleeping form. She looked so small and fragile like that, curled up in a small ball.

Jane had kneeled down next to the bed. She had reached out her hand to brush a piece of honey blonde hair from Maura's forehead, when she noticed the ring on her left hand. She had just stared at it, at the promise that they had made to each other a few months ago.

And she realized that with everything that happened; Maura's reaction at the warehouse, the words she had spoken to Jane afterwards, even through all of the anger and confusion, she still loved this woman.

But how could she stay with her?

Jane had experienced darkness before. After Hoyt, after she had shot herself. But the way she felt now, it was worse. Those other times, those were things that had happened _to_ her. This, Frost's death, was something she'd _done_. And until she found a way to deal with it, the guilt would be eating her alive. She could already feel herself sink further and further into depression.

How could she pull Maura down with her? Knowing that she would keep hurting her, until there was nothing left of them. It wasn't fair to break them both.

She couldn't do that, she couldn't stay. She needed to be alone and try to process, try to deal with everything that happened.

So Jane had slid the ring off her finger and placed it on the night stand, not even noticing the tears that were falling down her face while doing so.

She had pressed a kiss to Maura's temple, then left the room and the house. All the while regretting leaving the other woman behind, but knowing it was for the best.

* * *

Since leaving Maura's house, Jane had been holed up in her apartment with the door locked. Her friends and family had tried to reach out, but she had ignored their attempts. The brunette had been avoiding anyone and everyone. She wanted to be alone. To wallow by herself; not sleeping and drinking too much. She knew she looked like hell, and she felt like it too. And she didn't really care, except that she still had a duty to perform.

Tonight was Frost's wake, and tomorrow was the funeral. So she would have to go outside, be presentable. Be present.

Jane took a shower and opened the closet, unfortunately realizing that she didn't have her dress uniform. It was still at Maura's house, and she would need it today.

With no other choice available, Jane got in her car and drove to the doctor's house. She parked her car in the street and walked up the driveway.

She still had a key of course, but it didn't feel right to just go in, and she wouldn't, not unless Maura wasn't home.

So she rang the bell, and waited outside.

It didn't take long for Maura to open the door, her expression one of relief, and hope, "Jane…"

"I…my uniform is here," Jane said, explaining her presence.

"Oh," the disappointment was briefly evident on Maura's face, before she recovered. "Come in," she said, stepping to the side to let the brunette enter the house.

"I'll just get it, and be on my way," Jane said, visibly uncomfortable, picking at the scars on her hands.

Maura of course noticed the action. It was something Jane only ever did when she was really stressed, and it said a lot about her current state of mind.

Jane disappeared into the bedroom and a short moment later walked back out, with her uniform and cover in hand.

They just stood there, facing each other, neither of them speaking.

"Jane, please stay," Maura finally asked, her voice soft, pleading. "You can get ready here. We can go together." she reached out her hand to grab Jane's, but stopped mid motion, then withdrew. "Even if it's just for today and tomorrow, let me be there for you."

The detective was just staring at her feet, not knowing what to say to that, so many different things going through her head. She was still so angry and confused; so lost.

"Please, Jane. I…I need you."

The brunette finally looked up, her own eyes connecting with sad hazel ones. Could she do it? Could she lean on Maura, let Maura lean on her, put everything aside for a few hours? Slowly she nodded, and she could see the relief wash over the woman in front of her.

They didn't really speak after that, since it wasn't the time for conversation.

* * *

Jane got ready in the guest room, and they drove to the funeral home in silence.

Because detective Barry Frost died in the line of duty, he was getting a funeral with military style honors, which included a casked watch during the viewing.

The honor guard would rotate throughout the evening, taking watch two at a time at fifteen minute intervals.

It was a high honor, and one that no officer would ever decline; neither did Jane.

She got her turn together with detective Korsak.

Jane stared straight ahead the entire time, her eyes unseeing. Her thoughts and emotions impossible to read.

After their fifteen minutes, another team came and relieved them. Korsak tried to catch Jane afterwards, but she waved him off, indicating she didn't want to talk, she just couldn't.

Jane had tried to keep a low profile throughout the viewing, to '_hide_' in the shadows as much as possible. Except it wasn't really possible, one person after the other came up to her. And every time they conveyed their condolences to her, it made her feel worse and worse.

Towards the end of the evening, she had just come out of the bathroom, she heard two people quietly talking.

"Oh, no," Frost's mother said, "don't go blaming yourself now."

"But, Paddy Doyle, he's…" Maura's voice was strained.

"We know who he is, they told us what happened," Frost mother spoke again, "it doesn't matter. This is not your fault. We don't blame you, and Barry wouldn't have wanted you to blame yourself either. He spoke very highly of you Dr. Isles. He spoke very highly of all of you."

Jane realized that Maura was apologizing, Maura blamed herself for what happened. She couldn't listen to it any longer, listen to Maura's broken voice. Listen to the hurt she had caused them all. It wasn't Maura's fault, it was hers and hers alone. Jane went back the way she had come, and made her way outside, again wondering how on earth she was going to get through the actual funeral tomorrow.

* * *

It was the next morning, about forty five minutes before the funeral, that the bell rang to Jane's apartment.

The brunette took a deep breath before she opened the door.

Maura was standing in front of her, wearing a black dress, with matching jacket and shoes; sober, immaculate.

It was painful to see her.

"Are you ready?" Maura asked and Jane nodded.

After she had left the viewing last night, Jane had texted Maura that she'd gone home. The reply had been _'I'll pick you up tomorrow morning'_, and Jane hadn't argued it.

If she was truthful to herself, she needed Maura today, and she knew Maura needed her as well. So for just today, they would support each other.

Maura drove them to the station, from where the funeral procession would start.

* * *

There were over a thousand people lined up down the street, from the precinct to the church two blocks away. The majority of them were uniformed officers and other emergency personnel from all over the state of Massachusetts.

Because of Barry's background, and who his father was within the navy, all the funeral customs were being followed.

A large group of motorcycle cops led the funeral procession, followed by the flag bearers.

Then the traditional group of bagpipers, playing songs like 'Flowers of the Forest'.

All officers lining the streets held their salute until the car with the coffin had passed.

It was a sight to behold; a farewell fit for a hero.

It touched Jane deeply, but she knew that the only way she was going to get through today, was to shut down her emotions as much as possible.

* * *

When the funeral procession made it to the church, Jane and Maura took their seats, mostly avoiding contact with anyone else.

During the eulogy, after an especially moving part where Frost's mother spoke, Jane reached her hand out and held onto Maura's. She was trying not to cry, not to feel, not to break down. She was trying to keep the stoic mask on her face in place.

When everything was done, all in attendance slowly moved into a long line, to pay their respects.

When it was Jane's turn in line, she put her hand on the casket, and took a deep breath. "Goodbye, Frost" she whispered softly, so nobody else heard, then removed her hand. She turned around and walked away, not stopping until she was outside.

From the church they drove to the cemetery. It was mile after mile of police cars, lights flashing.

When they finally arrived, Jane got out of the car, and looked up at the sky. It was sunny today; warm, bright, with not a cloud in sight. It was the exact opposite of what she felt like, which was cold, dark and gloomy.

Having to say goodbye to her partner today, standing in front of his casket. Seeing Frost's family crying and mourning, knowing that he died because of her. Knowing it should have been her that died. It was all too much, but she couldn't leave; not yet.

* * *

At the cemetery, again all funeral customs were being followed.

The pallbearers, including Frankie, detective Korsak and Jane herself, carried the coffin wrapped in the american flag, while the bagpipes started playing 'Amazing Grace'.

Even though she tried so very hard not to cry, a single tear escaped and rolled down her face.

After they had carried the coffin to the final resting place, the flag was taken off, folded and given to Frost's parents.

The eight officers that formed the firing squad, carried out the twenty one gun salute.

Every shot fired felt like a physical blow to Jane.

It was during the last call that ended with the words, '_Frost 10-42…Detective Barry Frost is off the watch_' that Jane started to really fall apart. Maura who sensed the shift in the brunette put her hand on the small of her back in silent support. It calmed Jane just enough to be able to keep standing.

* * *

When everything was said and done, a large group of them headed to the 'Dirty Robber'. Of course they all expected Jane to be there as well.

The brunette had one drink before she couldn't stand it anymore. She had been inside the bar exactly ten minutes, when she quietly slipped outside, and went home.

Maura had been in the bathroom when Jane left the Dirty Robber, and it was so busy inside the bar, it took her a while to notice she was missing.

After asking several people if they'd seen the detective, she found one officer that had seen Jane leave some time ago.

Maura immediately went outside, got in her car and drove to Jane's apartment.

When she got there, she quickly made it up the steps to the building and walked inside. She knocked on the door, an waited for an answer, a sound, anything that would indicate someone was inside.

When nothing happened, Maura only hesitated for a split second. She knew the risk of entering uninvited, but she just needed to know for sure if Jane was inside or not. She pushed her key in the knob and opened the door, but was met with silence.

Maura walked further inside, and was a little shocked with the chaos inside the small one bedroom apartment.

It was dark, the curtains drawn. Bottles of booze were everywhere; some broken, some empty, some not.

The doctor quickly realized that Jane was in an even darker place than she had originally thought.

She pulled out her phone, and dialed the familiar number; hoping that just this once the brunette would actually answer.

…

"Maur," Jane's voice sounded funny when she answered the phone.

"Jane, where are you?" Maura didn't hide her concern.

"Out…side," came the slow response.

"Outside? Where's that, Jane?"

…

Maura listened closely to the background noise on the other end of the line. She could hear cars, the wind, ...an airplane going over. Wait, she could hear the same airplane herself, right outside. Jane was close.

Then it connected, and Maura realized she knew exactly where the brunette was.

* * *

Maura rushed up the stairs that lead to the roof of Jane's apartment building. They had spent many nights up there, it was the one place Jane would go when she was really upset.

She had told the doctor something about how it made her feel better, lighter; free.

Maura opened the door that led onto the roof and looked around. She audibly gasped when she spotted Jane.

The detective was still in her police uniform, her tie undone, the shirt mostly unbuttoned. She was standing precariously on the edge of the roof, holding her phone in one hand, and a bottle of strong liquor in the other.

"Jane," Maura approached slowly, not wanting to startle the woman in her balancing act.

The brunette didn't turn around, "you found me," she said, "you were always good at that."

"What are you doing?" Maura asked, taking a step closer. She noticed Jane was borderline drunk.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to jump." Jane laughed without humor, "it would be too easy."

"Then why don't you come down from there?" the doctor urged. She was holding her breath, watching the brunette's footing on the narrow ledge. Knowing that one wrong move could make her topple over.

She could see Jane take a deep breath, "…I killed Frost."

"Doyle killed Frost," Maura stated.

"…I killed Doyle."

"You had no choice, Jane."

"You said I was a killer," the detective took a sip from the bottle in her hand.

"I was upset, I didn't know what happened. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." Maura tried to hold back her tears, and keep her voice steady.

Jane looked over her shoulder at Maura, "you were right…I am a killer," another sip.

"No, you're not," the doctor took a step closer, "please come down from there."

"I should have let him kill me," Jane leaned a little further over the edge, looking down at the street below.

"Please don't say that," Maura's voice broke, "I need you to be alive."

The brunette finally turned around on the ledge, now fully facing Maura, "tell me you don't blame me for your …_father's_ death."

"I don't," Maura responded, "and he was not my father."

Jane narrowed her eyes, "I took away the answers to your questions Maura, how can you not blame me for that?"

"I…" There was no other time in her life when Maura wished she could tell a lie more than today. "Do you blame me for Frost's death?"

Jane's expression just turned sad, she didn't blame Maura for Frost's death. Yes, she was angry with Maura, but only for her reaction afterwards, only for choosing Doyle over her, even if only for an instant. But blame her for the death of her partner, no.

"I don't." Jane finally said, but she had waited too long to respond, and she could tell Maura didn't believe her.

Both realizing that even though they said they didn't blame each other, it didn't matter, because the feelings of hurt and betrayal were there just the same.

"I love you," Maura said, taking another step closer.

"Is it enough?" Jane asked sadly, more to herself than anything.

"I hope so," Maura was only a few feet away now.

The brunette shifted a little on her feet, when one of her shoes slipped, and it took a moment to regain her balance.

Maura had rushed froward, her arms instinctively reaching out; terrified because Jane had almost fallen down.

"Please come down, Jane. I need you." Maura tried to keep the fear out of her voice, her heart still beating a lot faster than it should.

The brunette stared at the blonde woman in front of her. She looked deep into hazel eyes, they were so sad, and scared. Jane couldn't stand it anymore, she took a deep breath, then finally nodded, before stepping down from the ledge.

When Jane was on solid ground again, Maura finally dared to really breathe again. She didn't know if the gesture would be appreciated or once again brushed off, but she couldn't help herself, Jane could have just seriously hurt herself, or worse.

So Maura quickly wrapped her arms around the woman's slender frame, and pulled her close against herself.

For a moment the brunette did allow the hug, knowing it was what Maura needed, but she didn't return the embrace.

"I'm sorry Maura. I just...I can't do this," Jane said, pulling away. It just hurt too much, she couldn't allow herself to take this comfort, and allow Maura to think that everything was okay. Nothing was okay, so she walked away.

She heard Maura call after her.

She could hear her cries, and it broke her heart, but Jane didn't stop; she couldn't make herself stop.

* * *

When Jane had pulled away from her, was the moment Maura realized. It didn't matter what she had said. It hadn't solved anything. Jane had already shut her out.

And it was the first time since everything had happened that Maura started to wonder if they could really recover; could their relationship survive this?

And the realization that it might not, made her cry even harder.

* * *

**A/N2: This chapter gave me so much trouble, so I have to give a shout out to my beta Krazyhippo66 for helping me through the frustration.**

**Thank you to everyone for the alerts, favs, reviews, pm's, etc. it fuels me to keep writing. **

**There will be another update sometime later this week. ****Until then, I would really appreciate your feedback on this chapter. ~Oogliebooglie**


	8. Raise Hell

**A/N: Warning! Mentions of self harm in this chapter. Might be triggering for some readers, although nobody actually physically gets hurt.**

* * *

Chapter 8

* * *

The day after the funeral Maura had gone back to work.

Something Jane would have done as well, if she wasn't currently on leave with no end in sight.

With nothing to really focus her attention on, the brunette got more and more depressed.

She didn't have much of an appetite, so she hardly ate. She didn't really sleep anymore, but on more than one occasion she had gotten drunk until she passed out.

Jane before the warehouse was already a tortured soul. On a daily basis she'd fight with her own personal demons. Many nights had her waking up screaming, gasping for air, when another nightmare had plagued her once again. The difference between before and after the warehouse, was Maura.

The doctor would always help her through the most difficult situations in her life, and Jane did the same for her. When Maura was troubled by something, or in pain, Jane would be there for her as well.

That's what made them work. As friends, and as lovers.

But now they were unable to be each other's support system.

And it left them alone, suffering and miserable.

Maura dealt with the hurt and loneliness by putting all her efforts into work, staying until the late hours of the night, and going back early in the morning.

Jane however dealt with her misery by trying to deaden it with alcohol. Then, when she felt numb, she would find something to do that would make her feel alive.

Like balancing on the edge of her roof, or walking through a bad part of Boston. She had even picked a few fights with strangers in random bars. One of those had gotten her quite the beating, and she was still sporting the bruises from the encounter on her torso and face.

And now Jane was home, sitting on the couch in her apartment.

In her hand she held one of the guns she owned privately. It was a 45. colt single action revolver. It was very old school, but one of her personal favorites.

She had several other guns as well; collecting them was a bit of a hobby for her. She liked to look at them, clean them, fire them.

But this one was her favorite; it had an 'interesting' story behind it.

The gun was unloaded; she never kept her guns loaded in the house. Except for two, her service gun, which she didn't even have at the moment, and one back up.

But not this one, not yet anyway. Or not ever, she hadn't really decided yet.

She just felt numb.

Her guilt was still overwhelming.

She had started on a bottle of vodka about fifteen minutes ago. Not even bothering with a glass today, she had already drunk enough of it for the pain to start dissipating.

Jane opened the cylinder of the gun and put a single bullet inside. Swirling it once, before closing it. A one in six chance to hit it's target.

She took off the safety, aimed it at the wall, and pulled the trigger.

**CLICK**

One down. It was a one in five chance now.

She flexed her finger on the trigger again.

**CLICK**

One if four.

When Doyle had fired his gun, it had been a one in two chance for her to die. So technically these were better odds.

It had been her or her partner. He had lost, Jane had won. Or was it the other way around?

She lowered the gun and reopened the cylinder, swirled it and closed it again.

Back to one in six odds.

Would she dare to do it, could she take those odds?

She got briefly interrupted in her thoughts by a knock on her door.

She ignored it, bringing her attention back to the game she was playing.

She had beaten worse odds than this, hadn't she?

She slowly lifted the gun, aiming it at her head, adrenaline rushing through her body, making her feel...alive.

She smiled to herself, finger itching on the trigger.

Another knock on the door. "Jane, open up, it's me."

The brunette looked at the door for a moment, trying to decide what to do.

"I'm going to keep knocking until you open up, kid."

Jane lowered the gun.

Still feeling the rush of the game, she finally got up off the couch, and walked to the door. She unlocked the chain, and deadbolt.

When she opened up, it revealed a concerned looking Sergeant detective Korsak, standing there with two cups of coffee, and a bag of pastries.

Without a word Jane walked back to the couch and sat down. She reopened the cylinder, swirled it and closed it again.

Aiming it back at the wall.

Korsak was alarmed by what he saw, but hid his reaction. "I brought you some coffee," he sat a cup on the table in front of his friend.

Jane glanced sideways to her mentor, then nodded her head.

"I remember you telling me that one had a neat history," Korsak pointed at the gun the brunette was still holding, "but you never told me what it was."

Jane opened the cylinder once again, but this time she removed the bullet before closing it. She knew better than to continue her game while her old partner was present. So she put the gun on the table.

She shifted on the couch, and grabbed the coffee her friend had brought her.

"You know in a few months, I'll have been on the force for thirty-five years?" Korsak asked.

The brunette shook her head, then took a sip from her cup.

"Thirty-five years. You know how many partners I had in all those years?"

Jane thought for a moment, "two?" she only knew about herself and Mike, Korsak's partner before her, who had retired.

"Three actually. You, Mike, and my first partner Will, or Bill as most people called him. Bill Canaghan." The older detective looked lost in thought for a moment, before he continued his story. "I was partnered with Bill fresh out of the academy. I was a rookie, ready for action. I was eager to move up the ranks. But not Bill. He had been on the force for a few years, but was happy being a patrol cop, never really wanted to be anything more."

Jane tilted her head slightly, the only real indication she was listening.

"Anyway," Korsak continued, "one day, we had been working together for about six months at this point, we answered a call about a domestic dispute. We drove to the scene, and Bill had a feeling about it. That it wasn't quite right. He'd get those sometimes. He wanted to call for more backup, but I was young, and arrogant. I convinced him we should just check it out first, that we could handle it. He gave in."

At this point the older detective was lost in his memories, replaying the events of that day back in his mind. "He went first up the stairs to the house, I was right behind him. We heard yelling coming from inside. A woman screamed, then a gun fired. Bill kicked in the door, and we went inside. He asked me to cover him, but there was a noise coming from the room to the side of me, and I looked away for just a brief moment. I lost focus for just a few seconds. I recovered just in time to see my partner get shot down by the perp that had come rushing at us from the other side. I killed the bastard, but it didn't matter, Bill was already dead. I didn't have his back."

Jane was just staring at Korsak at this point, her eyes glassy, "w…why are you telling me this?"

"Because I want you to know, you are not alone feeling like this, Jane. I've been there. And even though it will always stay with you, in time it gets better."

The brunette just shrugged her shoulders.

They stayed silent for a moment until they were interrupted by the ringing from Jane's phone coming from the other room.

"Shouldn't you get that?" Korsak said when Jane didn't make any indication of going to check who was calling, "maybe it's important."

Jane narrowed her eyes at her old partner, wondering why he cared so much, but then she got up and walked into her bedroom. She really wasn't all that surprised when she saw the blinking light of one missed call from a detective Vince Korsak.

And neither was she surprised when she returned to the living room, to find not only Korsak gone, but also her gun.

She smirked, the old bastard had tricked her.

It was okay, she didn't feel like playing the game anymore anyway.

* * *

When detective Korsak walked back into the bullpen of BPD he immediately went to his boss's office and knocked on the door.

"Come in," he heard the rough voice of Lieutenant Cavanaugh say.

He pushed the door open, "can we talk?" When the Lieutenant nodded, Korsak walked further inside, taking a seat in one of the chairs.

"What can I do for you, Vince?"

Korsak came straight to the point, "It's about Jane, we need to do something."

Cavanaugh sat up a little straighter in his chair, and motioned for Korsak to continue.

* * *

After he was done with his talk with Cavanaugh, Korsak made his way downstairs and to the morgue.

Maura was just finishing up with an autopsy when she heard the sliding doors open, and saw the older detective stepping inside.

"What can I do for you detective Korsak?" Maura said, while continuing to close the Y incision in front of her.

"I know this is probably not my place, but when is the last time you've seen Jane?" Korsak's voice was calm and friendly.

The doctor stopped mid stitch, a little surprised at the blunt question "Not since the day of the funeral," she finally admitted a little embarrassed.

"She's not doing well, doc," the older detective visibly looked uncomfortable with the conversation, but he wanted to help his friends.

For a few long moments it looked like Maura wasn't going to respond; she just continued stitching the skin in front of her. When she finished, she covered the body, before taking off her gloves.

"Lets go to my office," she finally said, then walked out off the morgue, detective Korsak close behind her.

The M.E. took a seat on one of the chairs, and motioned for the detective to do the same, "how is she?"

"She's drowning," Vince said. "I mean figuratively," he added quickly, when he noticed the doctor's startled response. "Look, doc. Jane…she's like my family, and I'm worried about her. I went to visit her this morning, and she's…well…not doing good. Maybe you can try and talk to her."

"I've tried," Maura replied sadly, "when I call, she doesn't answer her phone. When I show up at her door, she doesn't open up. She's made it clear she doesn't want to see me."

"You have to try harder, doc." Korsak shook his head, he didn't want to tell Maura what he thought Jane had been doing that afternoon, but maybe he didn't have a choice. "I'm afraid she's going to hurt herself."

The blonde doctor couldn't hide the shock on her face, "what do you mean? You think she's …suicidal. Jane would never…"

"No, I don't think she would do it deliberately." The older detective stared at the floor for a moment. "Jane, she's playing with fire. I don't know why. But she's going to get burned." Detective Korsak finally filled Maura in on what he had seen in Jane's apartment that afternoon.

* * *

After talking with detective Korsak, Maura finished up a few things in the lab then left work early.

She drove straight over to Jane's apartment, intent on making the brunette talk to her.

She knocked on the door, and waited for a few moments. Intently listening for any sounds inside; which there were none.

After knocking again with no answer, Maura pulled out her key and inserted it in the knob, turning it, hoping that it would give way. When it did, she stepped inside.

The room was dark, and empty, with no Jane in sight.

But Maura wasn't going to leave.

She looked around the apartment, quickly noticing, but not surprised, that the place was a mess.

She knew that it probably wouldn't be appreciated, except with nothing else to do but wait for Jane to show up, she started to clean up.

It was almost an hour later when there was a noise at the door, followed by a defeated looking woman walking inside.

It really only took a split second for the look of defeat to be replaced by confusion, then realization, and finally anger.

"What are you doing here?" she sharply asked Maura.

"I came to talk to you," the blonde took a few steps closer to Jane.

"Great," Jane mumbled, walking into the kitchen and dropping her grocery bags on the counter. "I don't really want to talk to you, Maura."

"Then you can listen," under the brighter lights of the kitchen, Maura finally got a chance to really take in Jane's appearance. She immediately noticed how pale and skinny the detective was, with dark circles evident under her eyes. Her hair and clothes were a mess, and she looked like she hadn't seen a bed in days. She also had what appeared to be several bruises on her face.

"What happened to your face?" Maura asked, taking another few steps closer. She could see the muscles in Jane's neck tense up at her approach.

"Nothing," Jane slurred her words a little, she was definitely not sober. "It was just a little …scuffle," Jane actually smiled at the memory; yes, she'd gotten a little beat up, but she'd won in the end.

"A scuffle? You mean a fight? With whom?" The M.E. ignored Jane's obvious body language telling her to keep her distance, and put her hands on her face. Delicate fingers tracing the still healing abrasions.

For a brief moment, Jane leaned into the touch, letting herself enjoy the caress, but then she snapped out of it. "Don't," she warned, pushing the prodding hands away; she didn't deserve Maura's care.

Maura dropped her hands, and took a step back, she crossed her arms over her chest.

Jane walked over to the fridge, swaying slightly. She opened it and tried to pull out a beer, but it slipped out of her hand and shattered on the floor. She looked at it for a moment, slightly confused, then bent down to pick up the pieces of glass, cutting her finger as she did so.

"You cut yourself," Maura reached out her hand, wanting to help, but the brunette pulled back. "I'm fine," she said.

Maura sighed, "why do you keep doing these things to yourself, Jane?"

"What _things_, Maura? You have to be more specific here," she said sarcastically, putting her bloody finger in her mouth, after throwing the glass in the sink.

"Things that can get you hurt, or killed." For a brief moment Maura noticed the surprise flitter over Jane's face, before it was replaced with her usual mask of deviance.

"You know nothing," the detective walked over to the couch and sat down.

Maura followed Jane into the living room, not that easily deterred, "I know a lot. Balancing on the roof, drinking, fighting, playing Russian roulette? What I don't understand is why? Why would you do these things to yourself? Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"Korsak I assume?" Jane smirked, "it was just a game, Maura. Sjeez."

"A game? Frost didn't give his life for you, so you could throw it away," Maura replied firmly, hoping it would shake some sense into Jane. "He wouldn't want this, he wouldn't want you to blame yourself."

"Don't! Don't you talk about him." Jane warned. She knew that with the alcohol in her system, her filter was all but gone, and in her anger, if pushed, she could say things that she wouldn't be able to take back.

"Why not, he was my friend too." Maura continued, not at all heeding the warning in Jane's voice.

"Your friend?" the detective let out a short laugh, devoid of any humor. "It's funny how when you were trying to save 'daddy' dearest's life you didn't remember who your friends were, did you?" Jane knew she was being harsh; she couldn't believe she had just said that out loud.

"Jane…" Maura was having a hard time keeping her voice steady, "I'm sorry for what happened. I would change it if I could, but I can't. I made a mistake. We have to get passed this."

"Get passed it?" Jane paused. She briefly wondered what would have happened if she hadn't hesitated; if she had just shot Doyle and killed him. Would Maura have gotten passed it, would she have forgiven her then? "Let me ask you this Maura. If Frost hadn't died that day. If I would have shot and killed your father before he got a shot off. Would _you_ have gotten passed this?"

Maura, a little taken back, hesitated only briefly. "I probably would have been angry, Jane. But I love you, I would have gotten passed it. I could never stop loving you."

Jane bit her lip, and glanced at Maura. Her thoughts were hazy; from the alcohol, the emotions, the lack of sleep. She was confused, fighting her conflicting feelings. Her will to forget, to lean forward and wrap her arms around the woman she still loved, whom she had missed every moment they were apart. But then there was her anger, the self loathing, the feeling that she would never recover from this, this darkness that had taken a hold of her.

She glanced at the hazel eyes in front of her, they were so sad. Jane couldn't stand seeing them so sad. She was hurting Maura, and she knew she would end up hurting her, over and over again until she was either able to deal with things, or there was nothing left of them. Maybe Maura would be better of without her, at least there would be less pain for her in the long run. And in that drunken confusion, Jane made up her mind. She'd have to push Maura away; it was for her own good.

...

"I can't do this anymore," Jane finally said, trying to keep her voice devoid of emotion.

"What do you mean?" Maura asked, her voice was shaking.

"This, I can't do _this_ anymore." Jane motioned with her hands between them.

"You mean us?" Maura's voice broke. "You don't want to fight for us?"

"I...don't," Jane almost flinched when she said the words.

"You don't…?" Maura felt like her biggest fear was coming true. She had always expected Jane to leave at some point. Because that's what everyone always did. Sooner or later they grew tired of her and left. Either that or she'd do something stupid that pushed them away. She had just hoped that this time it would be different. Surely Jane didn't really mean it. Except, hadn't Jane left her engagement ring behind weeks ago? Had it already been over _then_?

"Look at me Jane," Maura begged. "Look at me!"

Jane finally raised her head, chocolate brown meeting hazel eyes.

Maura was afraid to ask the next question, afraid of what the answer would be, but she had to know. "Do you still love me?"

Jane knew she'd have to be convincing, Maura would never leave her if she wasn't. And if she didn't leave, Maura would end up broken too. So she had to be strong.

...

Jane took a deep breath, then shook her head, "No," she said, "I don't love you." Her left eyebrow twitched, and she was almost hoping that Maura would notice; call her out on the obvious lie. She wanted Maura to stay and fight, slap it out of her if she had to.

But Maura didn't do any of those things. She had just put both of her hands in front of her mouth to stifle a sob, and she just sat there, frozen.

Jane wanted to take her words back. To say she didn't mean it, and she might have said it too, if Maura hadn't already grabbed her bag and bolted for the door.

* * *

**A/N: I know you probably all hate me; or Jane. Someone needs to slap some sense into her. Trust me, I'm on it. Major twist coming up in the next few chapters.**

**If you can't stand the drama, just repeat after me: Happy ending, happy ending, happy ending! Okay? I wouldn't put you through this without giving you a real happy end; I promise.**

**In other news, I am going to Europe for a few weeks. I'll have an internet connection for part of the time, so I will try to keep my updates twice weekly, like I have been. But the days might vary.**

**Any thoughts you'd like to share with me? *points covertly to review button*.**


	9. What Can I Say

**A/N: An update, all the way from Holland; jet lagged and all. Enjoy**.

* * *

Chapter 9

* * *

After Maura had left Jane's apartment, the brunette took a cab to see her brother. She was actually afraid that if she stayed by herself tonight, she might end up doing something really stupid.

Frankie had been a little startled at seeing her outside of his door, but he was happy to take her in. Since Jane had pretty much shut everyone out these past few weeks, not just Maura, he hadn't seen much of his sister lately either.

To add to Frankie's surprise Jane actually wanted to talk to him, but that surprise quickly turned into frustration though, when he realized what his dumb sister had just done.

"You told Maura _what_? What is wrong with you, Jane?" Frankie was actually furious with his sister. "She made a mistake, why can't you forgive her?"

Jane closed her eyes and rested her head against the back of the couch, her hands rubbing her face. "This is not about forgiveness, Frankie. I already have …forgiven her. What happened, it wasn't her fault. It's mine. I shouldn't have gotten distracted. What happened… it's on me, not her."

"Then why don't you tell her that, why let her believe you still blame her? Why would you tell her you don't love her?" Frankie asked, puzzled at his sister's behavior.

The detective slowly opened her eyes, and looked at her brother, "because she would never voluntarily leave me, even when she should. I'm no good for her, Frankie. I'm screwed up. I don't sleep, I don't eat. I am angry all the time. My darkness will only end up hurting her, over and over, until there is nothing left. I don't want to hurt her."

"I think it's a little late for that," the younger Rizzoli scolded his sister. "Maura's already hurting, and so are you."

"She'll get over it."

Frankie shook his head, "but _you_ won't."

Jane looked at her brother a little shocked.

"I mean it, Jane. Being apart from her, losing her, it will break you," Frankie tried hard to get through to his stubborn sister. "Just try to see through your pain for a minute. Think back to a year ago, heck, think back to one month ago; to your engagement party."

The brunette went a little glassy eyed thinking back to the event.

"You guys looked so content to be with each other, you were glowing, Jane. You don't glow! But that night, you did. You remember? How can you let that go?" Frankie had raised his voice a little, frustrated because his sister was giving up on the one person that ever made her truly happy.

Jane hid her face in her hands, her shoulders softly shaking. Pain, alcohol and exhaustion, taking it's toll on her already frayed emotions.

"It doesn't matter, it's too late now," she angrily wiped away a few tears.

"Sis, you are an idiot! She loves you. If you tell her what you told me, I'm sure you two can work things out together."

Jane sniffled, trying to regain her composure. "You think I should go back and talk to her tonight?"

Frankie shook his head, knowing his sister had enough for one night. "I think you should try to go to sleep now. Get your head together for a day or two, and then talk to Maura when you're ready. Give yourself some time to calm down."

"Hmmm, maybe you're right, "Jane yawned, stretching out on the couch. Frankie went to get a pillow and a blanket for his sister, but when he got back, she was already deep asleep. He gently put the blanket over Jane, and stood there looking at her for a moment.

They all had lost someone that day, Frankie included. The difference was that even though the loss hurt him too, he had been able to let it go, give it a place in his life. But not Jane, the detective couldn't let it go. It wasn't her that pulled the trigger that day, but she blamed herself as if she did. Why did she have to be so hard on herself?

* * *

The next morning Jane got up and stretched her back, loudly groaning as she did so. Sleeping on Frankie's couch was definitely not good for her body.

She looked around the room, wondering where her brother was. Then realized, he was at work of course, it was lunch time already. Her eyes fell on a note on the table in front of her. She picked it up and read it. '_Jane_, _get your shit together, or else. Frankie'_.

She almost smiled. She knew Frankie cared for her, and she would take his advice.

She was still screwed up, but last night was a wake up call for her.

Waking up sober, her thoughts were a lot more clear today. Frankie had definitely talked some sense into her last night.

She wasn't delusional though, she didn't expect things to get magically better. She was still dealing with the exact same issues as yesterday, and the day before. But maybe she had just a little fight left in her.

One thing she was going to do, was try and get her job back. _Work_, she hadn't been at work in three weeks. They had put her on '_mental health leave'_ or whatever it was called until further notice. After what happened in the burned down warehouse, the psychiatrist, internal affairs and her boss had been worried about her capability to do her job.

But boredom was not a good thing for Jane. It made her edgy, with too much time to think, to drink. Too much time to dwell on the events. Too much time to hurt. So she had started doing things that kept her mind off everything. Thrill seeking, if you will. Followed by evenings of drinking in random bars, with the occasional fight when someone dared to bother her.

She closed her eyes briefly, she needed a break from herself. But she would change, or try to anyway.

If she could just go back to work, focus on something other than her own failings, her own shortcomings. Then, maybe, she could be better; do better.

Maybe tomorrow she could speak with her boss, and convince him to give her another chance. Even if it was just doing paperwork for a while.

But first she was going home. There were a few things she had to take care of.

* * *

When Jane got to her apartment, she realized she would have to make some changes. It was going to be difficult, but it was a necessary step.

She knew she had been hiding these past few weeks. Instead of dealing with the pain, she had been trying to numb the emotions with alcohol, yet in the end the liquor had just intensified them.

So the first thing she did was gather all the bottles in her house, and throw them in the garbage can. It wasn't like she was afraid she couldn't stop drinking; she wasn't an alcoholic. Neither would throwing bottles of booze away deter her from going out and buy more. It was more of a mental step she needed to make for herself.

To show _to_ _herself_ that she wanted to make a change.

Next up was to clean her house, or what was left to clean, since Maura had done a pretty thorough job of it already last night.

She gathered all her dirty clothes and threw them in the laundry.

When things were finally back in order, she was exhausted. She stepped into the shower, and cleaned herself up, then she decided to lie down on her bed, to rest for just a few minutes.

She was planning to drive over to Maura's house later that night.

Try to explain, try to fix things. Try to….

But Jane was out like a light.

* * *

When Jane told Maura she didn't love her anymore, it felt like her world just ended. It had taken everything Maura had in her not to fall apart right there and then. It took all of her strength to turn around and walk away.

Had Jane really meant it? Was there really nothing left?

The brunette had left her engagement ring at her house weeks ago. Had it already been over for Jane then?

Maura was so confused.

She worked in science, facts, and constants. Not complicated feelings and emotions. She felt so out of her element.

Should she have stayed and asked Jane for another chance? Should she have begged her? Maybe Jane was lying, should she go back and find out? Or was that just going to set herself up for more pain?

Should she fight for Jane; would it make a difference?

All these thoughts were going through her head that night. Never catching even a wink of sleep.

The next morning, upset as she was, Maura had called her mother in London, and Constance had invited her to come and stay with her for a while; get away from it all. So she had booked a flight to London that would leave tomorrow afternoon. But Maura wasn't sure if she should be on it or not.

Part of her thought it was for the best. If things really were over, she couldn't bear the thought of staying in Boston.

But was she really ready to leave Jane and their life behind her, to give up on everything they'd had together?

Maybe if she called Jane one more time. If she could find any indication that Jane still wanted to be with her, she would stay. She would fight for them.

Maura knew it was a romantic notion, but she needed to know for sure, so she called Jane's phone.

…

"Hey, this is Rizzoli, you know what to do."

Maura took a deep breath, disappointed that once again Jane had not answered her phone. She left a message, hung up the phone, then went to pack her bags. Knowing if she didn't hear from Jane before her flight tomorrow, that things really were over.

What Maura didn't know was that the moment she had called, Jane was in the shower, and never even heard the phone.

* * *

It wasn't the best sleep Jane had ever had, but it was the first morning she did not wake up with a splitting headache from being hungover.

She had slept a lot longer than she had planned, but maybe it was for the best. It had been the first time in weeks she hadn't just passed out from being drunk. Last night her body had just taken over, and she had slept until late into the morning.

She felt better than she had in a while. Her head was clear. Yesterday, things had finally started to make sense again.

Frankie was right, she couldn't survive without Maura, she couldn't lose the doctor over this. Yes, it was painful to be around each other, and yes they had a lot of things to work through. But she wasn't going to just give up, and she wasn't going to let Maura give up either. She would beg and grovel if she had to.

She still had to find a way to get her job back. Things would be difficult for a while there as well, but she would find a way to manage. She was never going to forget Frost, but she knew he wouldn't have wanted her to give up on her own life.

While cleaning her house she had done a lot of thinking yesterday, and she was willing to make some drastic changes.

Jane grabbed a bowl out of the cabinet and sat down to eat some cereal.

When she was finished she rinsed it out and put it away. She looked around her apartment; it was finally presentable again after the past few weeks, and she was ready to tackle the next problem.

She was a little upset she had fallen asleep last night, she had wanted to visit with Maura. But there wasn't anything she could do about it now. She was just going to have to call Maura, ask if they could meet, and try to explain, to work things out between them.

When Jane picked up her phone, she noticed the missed call. She dialed her voicemail, and smiled briefly when she heard the doctor's voice.

_'Jane, I wish you would have answered your phone, I really wanted to talk to you. I spoke to my mother last night, and she asked me to come to London for a while. I…I'm confused, Jane. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm making the biggest mistake of my life. I don't want to leave you. But if you were truthful last night, and you really don't want to be with me, I can't stay here in Boston. I know the line will be cut off soon, so, call me. My flight leaves tomorrow afternoon from Logan International. If you don't call, I will be on that plane, and I'll know what you've decided. I do love you, so much and I -'_

That's when the line cut off.

Jane looked at the clock, it was almost eleven a.m. She instantly dialed Maura's number, but it went directly to voicemail.

"Maura,...", was all she could say before the line disconnected.

"Shit! No!" Jane looked at the screen in horror; the battery was dead. In her exhaustion the night before she never did put it on the charger.

She threw the phone back on the table, grabbed her keys and ran outside. Then jumped into her car and sped off down the street; to the airport.

* * *

Jane was going way passed the speed limit, driving almost recklessly. She had put the police light and siren on, to try and speed things along. It wasn't exactly protocol, but she didn't care. She had to get to the airport, and try to find Maura before she was gone. Jane didn't know on what flight the doctor was leaving, just that she was going to London. She would just have to check every outgoing flight when she got there. But she was going to find her, if only she could get there in time.

"Move, Move, Move." Jane was raging and yelling at the slow cars in front of her. Didn't those people see the flashing lights, didn't they hear the siren?

The detective was still about twenty minutes away from the airport, when she came upon an intersection. The light was just turning red, and with how fast she was going, she couldn't stop, even if she wanted to.

It all happened so quick; the truck came out of nowhere. It clipped the back of her car, and sent it into a spin, before flipping over. It was as if the world came off its axis, everything was turning so fast. Jane was thrown around the vehicle for several long seconds, until the car finally came to a stop against one of the street lights.

In a brief moment of consciousness, she could hear people screaming. She could feel the warm sticky liquid dripping down her face. She could taste the metal flavor of blood in her mouth. Her last thought, 'Maura'. Then her eyes fluttered shut, and she didn't know anything anymore, blackness invading every single one of her senses.

* * *

**A/N2: Oh no Jane. Thoughts? *pokes review button***


	10. Hard Way Home

**A/N: I'm so bad for not updating sooner. Between jet lag, family and just overall craziness, inspiration was hard to find. Even though I have the next few chapters pretty much done, this one (you could say: the transition) was giving me trouble.**

**Anyway, enjoy.**

* * *

Chapter 10

* * *

After a short seven hour flight, Maura's plane landed at Heathrow airport. Her mother had sent a car to pick her up and within the hour, she was standing in front of her parents' home on Sloan Street, downtown London.

She had hoped so much that Jane would have called her, and stopped her from leaving. But there had been no phone calls, no last minute appearances. There had been nothing. Maura had turned off her phone before boarding the plane, and she had not turned it back on yet. It didn't work in Europe anyway.

Constance opened the front door and ushered a very tired Maura inside.

The honey blonde knew her mother was worried, that she wanted to talk, but she was just unable to do so.

After quietly sharing a cup of tea with Constance, Maura excused herself and went upstairs. After a quick shower, she put on one of Jane's old t-shirts and fell into bed. The item of clothing, still faintly smelling like the woman she loved, brought her comfort and pain at the same time. The devastation of knowing she had lost the one person she truly loved was almost unbearable.

It was the first night, in what she suspected would be many, that she cried herself to sleep.

* * *

The next few days passed her by as if she were in a fog. The misty condition in the streets of London matched the state of her muddled mind.

For some reason she was still hoping for a phone call from Jane. If the detective really wanted to, it wouldn't be hard for her to find the Isles' home phone number.

Part of Maura was just unwilling to give up. Whenever the doorbell rang, she half expected for the brunette to show up. But every time she didn't, Maura became more and more withdrawn.

It got to the point where Constance was getting very worried about her daughter's well being, and she called her husband, who had been out of town, to come back home.

Alexander flew back to London on the first flight available. But even with their joint efforts, neither parent was able to help their normally very composed daughter.

* * *

It was two weeks after Maura had arrived in London when she sat down at the breakfast table for the first time. Showered, her hair done, make up on; she looked like Maura again, albeit a few pounds lighter, and still a little pale.

Constance and Alexander first looked at their daughter, and then at each other, neither of them sure what to say.

It was actually Maura that was the first to speak, asking her mother about how her art gallery was doing.

They spoke lightly throughout breakfast, and it wasn't until everyone had finished eating that the topic of conversation changed drastically.

Maura put down her utensils and took a deep breath, "how much do you know about my biological parents?" she asked, the redirected conversation taking both Constance and Alexander Isles completely off guard.

"What are you talking about, darling?" Constance tentatively replied.

"I am talking about Paddy Doyle," Maura looked at both her parents, and quickly realized neither of them seemed very shocked by hearing that name.

"How did you find out?" Alexander asked quietly.

"When my half brother ended up on my autopsy table last year," Maura's response was controlled and composed.

It was quiet for a moment, both Mr. and Mrs. Isles contemplating what it must have been like for Maura to find out that she had done an autopsy on someone she was related to.

Maura wiped at her eyes, "would you have still adopted me, if you knew I was his?" she finally asked softly.

"Your father and I raised you, Maura. You're our daughter, not his." Constance said firmly, then shared a questioning look with her husband.

"I think it's time we told you what we know about your adoption," Alexander said.

Constance glanced again at her husband, and when he nodded she finally started talking. "Patrick showed up one day in my art class at Harvard. I thought he was a student. He had some talent, so I tried to encourage him. After a while he just disappeared, until months later when he showed up with a newborn in his hands. You." She put her hand over one of Maura's. "He couldn't keep you, his father would have killed you. So your father and I arranged for the adoption, and from that day on, you were our baby."

When Constance had finished explaining, everything was silent for a few moments.

"Did he ever tell you who…who my biological mother was?" Maura asked, hoping her parents knew the answer to her question.

Constance sadly shook her head, now tightly grabbing onto her daughters hand, "I'm sorry darling. We asked, but he wanted to protect her identity, he never told us."

At that moment Maura realized she would never know, and it hit her a lot harder than she had imagined.

* * *

**Six Months Later**

* * *

It had been six months since Maura had left Boston behind, and flew across the pond for what was supposed to be a temporary stay with her parents in London. But she had never left; never went back home.

After the first month, she had moved into an apartment a few streets from her parents home. She had now lived there for five months.

She was still confused most of the time. She didn't understand how a perfectly happy life had been changed so drastically in such a small amount of time.

There wasn't a day that went by when she didn't think about Boston, about her work at BPD, her home, friends, and Jane.

After the first few weeks she had actually tried to call the brunette a few times, but every time it went to voicemail. Then a few weeks later it said the line was disconnected.

Maura had been trying to move on, but it wasn't easy.

She was spending the majority of her time alone. She felt it was better that way, more comfortable.

She had considered going back to work, but it wouldn't be the same as working at BPD. So instead of finding another position as M.E. she had spent her time tending to the different charities she and her parents supported.

It was earlier in the week, at one of the many charity related events, that she had been invited for dinner; a date.

It wasn't the first time she had gotten an invitation from someone, but it _was_ the first time she had accepted. Her first date since her and Jane had gotten together almost two years ago.

She really didn't feel like going; a nagging feeling of discomfort had settled in her stomach.

* * *

Maura was standing in front of the large mirror in her bedroom, checking her appearance.

She looked the same as always, her hair and clothes were perfect. But ever since she had left Boston there was always something different about the way she looked. There was something missing; perhaps joy.

Maura took a deep breath, again trying to ignore the feeling that going out on this date was somehow wrong.

Trying to shake her discomfort, she turned around and walked into her closet. She opened her safe. She still needed a few pieces of jewelry to finish her ensemble.

It took her a few moment to find the earrings she had been looking for. She reached for them, when her eye caught on something else; Jane's engagement ring. The one the brunette had left at her house that horrible morning.

Maura pulled out the piece of jewelry, and held it in her hand. Closing her eyes, memories of the brunette overflowing her mind.

For a few weeks after she had come to London, Maura had worn the ring on a chain around her neck. But the reminder had just been too painful, so she had taken it off and put it away.

Why did she see it again tonight? Why now?

Maura closed the safe, but held the ring in her hand.

She had to talk to someone.

Her mother.

Constance lived in London for most of the year, and in the last few months, the mother and daughter had spent a fair amount of time together, growing closer than they'd ever been before.

Constance had listened to her daughter, and supported her whenever it was needed.

So Maura knew her mother would be there for her again tonight.

After canceling her date, Maura made her way outside, got in her car, and drove the few blocks to Sloan street to get some much needed advice.

* * *

Thirty minutes later she stepped inside her parents house.

She found her mother in the kitchen, sipping a cup of what no doubt was an espresso; her mother's favorite beverage.

Constance seemed a little curious at her daughter's sudden arrival. "Darling, are you okay?" she asked with concern.

Maura shook her head, then opened her hand, showing the ring within.

"Jane's" her mother stated.

The blonde nodded, "I found it tonight, while getting ready for my date."

...

Maura struggled to find the words she needed. "Do you think I gave up too soon? Should I have stayed and fought harder?" she added after a while.

"I don't know," Constance replied honestly.

Maura sat down next to her mother, her hand still open, the object sparkling under the kitchen lights. "You know how many times I've wondered, what if I stayed?"

Constance glanced at her daughter. "You don't deal in what ifs."

"Exactly," was Maura's reply, "but I have been thinking 'what if' for the last six months."

"So what do you want to do?" Constance looked intently at her daughter who had now closed her eyes.

Maura was quiet for a long time, then it became clear. "I…I think I need to go back. To Boston."

...

"Are you sure?" Constance was a little surprised, "I know you miss your life in Boston, and you miss Jane. But she never looked for you, she never called you, not once."

"I know," Maura rubbed her forehead with her hand; she knew all too well Jane never reached out to her. "It doesn't matter, I have to go back. I have to try and see if there's anything left. I have to know for sure."

"What if Jane moved on?" Constance asked the important question. She was completely supportive of her daughter, she was just afraid she was going to get hurt even more than she already was.

"Then at least I know. It's been long enough, maybe even too long. But I can't spend my life wondering: 'what if' anymore" Maura looked at her mother, knowing she would find understanding there. And she did.

If Constance was honest, she actually did agree that going back was probably best for Maura. Her daughter wasn't happy in London, she wasn't really living at the moment. Just stuck in limbo. And Boston was where she had seen Maura happier than she'd ever seen her before in her life.

Whether there was anything left for her there, was yet to be seen. But even if there wasn't, at least she would be able to find a measure of closure.

* * *

A few days later Maura was ready to go. She briefly walked through all the rooms of the apartment again, making sure she hadn't forgotten anything. In a way she was saying goodbye to the place she had lived in; no, existed in, lost and lonely, for the past few months.

After she had made her decision to go back, she didn't hesitate to act. She had immediately started to make arrangements for her return to Boston.

It had been surprisingly easy to get her old job back at BPD. Apparently they had never found a proper replacement for her.

Since her stay in London was supposed to have been temporary, she never really shipped any of her stuff over. Most of her belongings were still stored in Boston. So she had arranged for a company to remove everything from storage, and place it back in her home in Beacon Hill.

She had never been able to make herself sell the place. There were just too many memories attached to it. It had been the first real home she'd ever had. It's where she'd found her greatest happiness in life. A place filled with laughter, joy, and family.

The only thing that was left to do for her now, was drive herself to the airport.

She had no idea what to expect when she got back to Boston. She hadn't spoken to anyone since she'd left.

Would anyone talk to her, and accept her back in their lives?

There was no way of knowing until she got there.

Maura hoped Jane would at least talk to her, and just maybe they could rebuild _something_. Even if it was just a friendship.

She just had to find out. She had to know if there was anything left for her there.

Maybe there was, and she could get back what was lost. Or maybe there wasn't, and she could finally really move on.

And with that final thought, and after one more look around the room, she picked up her bag, walked outside, and closed the door behind her.

Maura was finally on her way home.

* * *

**A/N2: Next update will be in my usual timely manner. Aiming for a Monday update. And you will get the answer to what happened to Jane in the last six months.**

**Thoughts?**


	11. What Did I Ever Come Here For

**A/N: Here's your promised Monday update. What happened to Jane? Lets find out.**

* * *

Chapter 11

* * *

Maura's plane had landed at Logan International two hours ago. After going through customs, picking up her luggage and getting a cab, she was now standing in front of her Beacon Hill home.

It had been a little over six months since she had last sat foot inside the house. She took a deep breath, forced herself to move forward, and unlocked the front door.

When she stepped inside she was momentarily frozen in place, overwhelmed. Several memories instantly flooded her consciousness. Long hours snuggled up on the couch with Jane. Lazy mornings eating breakfast together in the kitchen. Having dinner with the whole family on Sunday nights. She could almost see and hear the sound of the Rizzoli siblings shouting at the TV when the Red Sox were playing.

Maura blinked a few times, trying to clear her head. She wondered if she would ever be able to get any of those things back.

After traveling for long hours, she was tired. All she wanted to do, was take a shower, and go to bed, so she could sleep.

Maybe tomorrow, in the daylight, things wouldn't feel so bleak.

* * *

The next morning the doctor spent cleaning and organizing her house. Even though a cleaning service had come by before she came home, she preferred to lightly redo it herself. If nothing else it kept her mind from wandering too much.

She was supposed to go into BPD today to meet with Lt. Cavanaugh, so she could be reinstated as chief medical examiner. Her appointment was at 2 p.m., and she was considerably nervous.

Maura really didn't know what to expect. Would she see any of her old co workers? Would she run into Korsak, Frankie, or Angela? Would she get to see Jane today?

* * *

It was a few minutes before 2 p.m. and Maura parked her car in front of the station. She got out and straightened some imaginary wrinkles on her blue dress, before walking up the steps to BPD.

When she got inside, the first thing she noticed was that the security guard was someone she hadn't seen before.

"Dr. Maura Isles to see Lt. Cavanaugh," she introduced herself, while showing her I.D.

The officer checked the guest list and nodded at her, letting her through. She passed through the metal detectors and was now standing in the very busy lobby of BPD.

There were a few faces she recognized, but none of them were paying her any attention.

Maura stepped up to the elevator and pushed the up button, shifting a little from foot to foot while waiting for the car to arrive. She glanced over her shoulder towards the division one cafe, but she didn't see anyone she knew. She wondered briefly if Angela still worked there.

The doctor was still turned away, lost in thought, not paying attention, when the doors in front of her dinged open. Maura automatically took a step forward to get on the elevator, when she almost got knocked over by a firm body trying to get off.

Two warm hands grabbed her by the shoulders, steadying her before she could fall backwards.

"I'm sorry. Are you okay?" She heard from an all too familiar voice in front of her, "you really should watch _before_ you walk you know."

Maura's heart dropped into her stomach at hearing that deep voice; it was smooth, like fine whiskey. Her eyes shot up and landed on the face of the woman she still loved more than anything. Jane was standing right in front of her. She slowly removed her hands from Maura's shoulders and put them in her pockets. She was dressed in black slacks and a green t-shirt, her hair loose and wild around her face.

The doctor was holding her breath, waiting for Jane's reaction; shock, possibly anger. But all she got was two dark brown eyes, staring at her, friendly, but puzzled, and slightly impatient.

Maura was starting to feel dizzy.

The detective raised an eyebrow, seeing the woman in front of her growing more and more pale, "oh, easy there. Take a deep breath."

Maura inhaled sharply.

"That's it." Jane coaxed gently, "just keep breathing. You'll need the oxygen and all," she smiled.

"I…," Maura felt like she was dreaming, like she was experiencing a nightmare while fully awake.

The detective raised an eyebrow, her expression turning even more confused.

"I...," Maura tried again. She wanted to say something, but her brain was stuttering, unable to form a coherent sentence. She looked like a fish out of water; eyes wide, her mouth a little open.

Jane looked at the clock on the other side of the lobby, '_crap'_ she thought, she was going to be so late.

The detective frowned, she was still very concerned with this honey blonde woman's strange behavior. She didn't really look crazy though, and Jane wondered if she was maybe having some sort of panic attack.

"Who are you here to see?" Jane asked, trying to get more information. She didn't want to leave this distressed woman standing by herself in the middle of BPD, but she also knew her new partner was waiting for her outside.

She motioned to one of the officers, to come and take care of her, "I'm sorry to leave you like this, but I have to go. This officer will take care of you now, okay?"

Knowing the woman was now taken care of, Jane quickly turned around and with long strides made her way to the exit of the precinct. However just before she stepped through the station doors, she paused. She glanced back over her shoulder at the blonde that still hadn't moved from her position. Something was pulling at the back of her mind, like it did so very rarely. But then she shrugged her shoulders, knowing there was a case to be solved.

* * *

Maura was still standing in the same spot in front of the elevator, unable to move. There was an officer standing next to her, trying to get her attention, but she was unable to respond. She was having the greatest difficulty trying to catch her breath, her mind was going a mile a minute. Jane didn't know who she was? How was that possible?

She could feel herself starting to hyperventilate, the dizziness increased, but she was unable to stop it. She put her hand on the wall in front of her for support, trying to hold herself up.

"Maura?" said someone behind her, another very familiar voice. The doctor tried to turn around to face the owner of that voice, but at that point everything went black. And it was only by the quick reaction of the officer and this other person that she didn't hit her head on the ground.

* * *

"What happened, you were right behind me." Riley said impatiently.

"Just a little hold up in the lobby," the detective replied, sliding into the driver's side of the car.

"Oh-kay?" Riley already had a smile back on her face.

"I bumped into someone when I got off the elevator." Jane scratched her head, thinking about the strange encounter.

"Anyone you know?" Riley asked.

"I... don't think so," Jane replied, starting the car. The odd feeling she'd had before was still pulling at the back of her mind.

The black haired detective pulled out her phone to get the address they needed, "you don't think so? What does that mean, did she look familiar to you?"

Jane shrugged her shoulders and laughed a little sarcastically, "does anyone?"

"No, I guess not." Riley started to enter the address in the car's GPS system. "But that could still change right? You can still start to remember stuff."

The detective looked at her new partner, they had been paired together fairly recently. Riley was still somewhat new to the homicide squad, but in a way, so was Jane.

The brunette had been on the force for many years. The only problem was, she had no recollection of any of it, or anything else for that matter. Not since the accident. Her first memory was waking up in the hospital, with her head feeling like it would explode. There had been several people in the room, staring at her. A nurse, a doctor, a middle aged woman, and two younger men. Family, she had later found out, her mother and her brothers. She didn't even remember her own name. Which had been odd, to say the least.

She vividly remembers when she was first introduced to the Rizzoli clan.

* * *

_After finding out that the older woman in the room was her mother, she directed her attention to the two men in the room._

_"Are you my husband?" she asked, looking at Frankie._

_"For fucks sake, Jane. No!" the younger Rizzoli looked completely mortified, "I'm your brother. Eww."_

_"Sorry. You then?" she asked Tommy, who frantically shook his head, "no, no, no. Brother._

_Both Rizzoli brothers looked entirely grossed out by their sisters question._

_"Oh, thank god." Jane said, "no offense."_

* * *

It wasn't like their was nothing in her head at all. There was information there, just nothing that pertained to herself. She remembered things like what the speed limit on the interstate highway is. And that under chapter 26 section 118 of the Massachusetts general law, one could be fined up to ten dollars for letting a sheep graze on someone else's land. She had a head full of mostly '_useless_' facts, but no personal memories whatsoever.

It had been weird finding out things about herself, and it had quickly become overwhelming. So one day while she was still in the hospital, she had enough and she had put a stop to it. It was the day after she had noticed the scars on her hands, and she asked what they were from.

When they had started telling her that a serial killer had captured her and what he had done to her, she had stopped them. Why on earth would she want to know that?

So Jane had told anyone that came to visit her, including her family, that she didn't want to hear anymore. She didn't want to hear memories of a life she couldn't remember. She wanted to go into everything fresh. They could introduce themselves and go from there. It gave her a chance to get to know the people on her own terms, and in turn it gave those people the chance to get to know Jane as well, since she wasn't really the same person anymore either. It was a deliberate decision she'd made. If she had any questions, about herself or her life before the accident, she would find out herself or ask if she wanted to. After some initial trial and error, the process started to work.

Jane did want to know the basics of course. Like her name, date of birth, significant other, place of residence, things like that.

Her mother had told her she had a small apartment downtown Boston, she was single, but she had a dog; Jo Friday. She had thought it was an odd name, and she wondered where it came from, but who knew.

After she had been released from the hospital she had stayed with Angela for a while, until she was fully recovered. Besides the injury to her head, the rest of her body wasn't in too bad of a shape. Broken ribs, cuts and bruises, were about the extent of it.

She was thankful for Angela's care, but the woman was quickly driving her crazy. So as soon as Jane had been physically able, she had moved back into her small apartment in downtown Boston.

Of course finding out she had her own place, led her to another question. How did she pay for it? What did she do for a living? Jane had actually been thrilled when she found out she was a decorated homicide detective. It was one of the few things since the accident, that felt like it fit. So she wanted to try and pursue it again.

It had been difficult to get reinstated for active duty. Physically she was fine, but they were worried about her mental well being, her ability to do her job.

She still remembered the facts of the job though, criminal codes, procedures, how to clean and fire a gun. But she had lost the information on the cases she had worked on before.

After countless hours of counseling, testing, shooting at the gun range, studying, going over procedures again, and finally the retaking of the detective's exam, she was accepted back; albeit on probation. Everyone knew Jane was a natural cop, but until they were confident she could properly do her job, they were keeping a very close eye on her.

In her first week back on the job, she found the vital piece of information to solve a double homicide. It was interesting how her muscles and instinct remembered what her brain couldn't. Her first solved case since she came back, had been two months ago.

Impressed with her work, and confident in her abilities, she had come off probation last week, and she had been officially partnered up with Detective Riley Cooper.

They were now on their way to pick up a suspect in their latest case.

"Uh...what were you saying?" Jane finally responded, already forgotten what the question had been.

"Boy, you are distracted today," Riley laughed, "I asked if there was still a chance you would start to remember things again."

The brunette shook her head, "not really. I mean I guess there is, but after six months it would be a miracle for me to remember anything at all."

"And you're okay with that?" Riley asked, confused at the light tone of her partner.

Jane sighed deeply, not really wanting to explain this yet again, "the way I see it, I have two options. I accept it, and make new memories. Or I get stuck in a past I will probably never get back."

"You're not sad about it? You're not worried about what you're missing?" Riley dared to ask one more question, taking advantage of the rare opportunity that Jane Rizzoli talked about herself and her feelings.

"You can't be sad or miss what you don't remember, Cooper." Jane frowned, done with this line of questioning. She had made her peace with her situation, no point in rehashing things constantly. "We're here, are you ready?"

Riley nodded, knowing that the time for small talk was over, and the time for action was here.

* * *

**A/N2: Finally the title of my story is coming into play. ;)**

**A few things.**

**First of all, thanks for sticking with me. Reviews, favorites, alerts. etc. Very much appreciate it all. Even though I haven't had the time to thank all of you separately like I usually do.**

**Also, to the guest reviewer that was giving me crap about taking a week and a half to update. Give me a break. I am on vacation in Europe, with my family that I haven't seen in over a year. Writing Rizzles is just a hobby. So be glad I took the time to update at all. Some writers go months without updating, or never finish a story. I don't think I deserved that comment.**

**To the other guest reviewer that was disappointed because Jane/Maura aren't back together yet. This story is going to be around 20 chapters and an epilogue, we got a way to go still before your happy end. But you can stop reading, I don't mind.**

**Lastly. I know there are questions. Why didn't anyone call Maura for example. Why is Jane hiding from her past? Things will be answered over the next few chapters.**

**Longest A/N ever. Sorry about that.**

**Review if you want to.**


	12. Losing Heart

**A/N: OMG it's been so long since I updated this story. My sincere apologies to everyone that has been waiting for the next chapter. Lets just say that between a shoulder injury and moving to So-Cal it has been difficult to find time to do some writing. Things have settled down somewhat so updates should be coming sooner. I am aiming for regular weekly updates again. And thank you to everyone that has been sending me messages encouraging me to continue writing.**

**Anyway. Enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

Chapter 12

* * *

Maura had gone vasovagal, and she was now slowly coming to. The familiar voice she had heard earlier was coaching her to wake up.

"She's waking up, lets give her some space, okay?" Frankie motioned for everyone to leave, and give them some room.

The blonde opened her eyes, and looked up into concerned chocolate eyes that reminded her so much of Jane's. "Frankie?"

"Hey, Maura." he said sheepishly, then gently helped her sit up a little, he handed her a glass of water.

The doctor looked around the room; she appeared to be in Lt. Cavanaugh's office, on his couch. She blushed, feeling embarrassed. The location meant she had been carried all the way upstairs, unconscious.

"You feeling any better?" Frankie looked at her concerned.

Maura slowly nodded her head, not wanting to make herself dizzy again.

"You're back in Boston," the younger Rizzoli stated. He rubbed his neck, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"I came back yesterday," Maura had finally found her voice again, "I was supposed to meet with Cavanaugh," she looked around the room.

"He stepped out, wanted to give you some privacy. Don't worry, nobody really saw me take you in here." Frankie knew the doctor would have been embarrassed about that.

"Jane," Maura breathed, the events that had made her faint quickly coming back to her, "she…how" the doctor closed her eyes again, not knowing how to finish that sentence.

"Jane has amnesia. She was in an accident. Hit her head pretty hard." Frankie was a little worried with how much he should share with the still very pale woman. "She almost didn't make it."

"When?" Maura asked.

…

"Frankie? When was she in an accident?"

"It doesn't matter, does it?" the younger Rizzoli was biting his bottom lip, keeping himself from saying more.

"Your reaction, and reluctance to share, would indicate that it does matter." Maura stated, reading Frankie's body language easily.

"Knowing will only hurt, Maura."

"Please tell me," the doctor urged, although she was starting to get an inkling.

"She was on her way to the airport, to stop you from leaving," Frankie looked down at his feet, not wanting to see the devastation that was surely evident on Maura's face now.

It felt like a punch in the stomach, that's what it felt like to hear those words. For a short moment, Maura forgot how to breathe.

"She's okay though, I mean besides the not remembering stuff." Frankie sat down next to the devastated blonde on the couch.

"H…how much does she remember?" Maura asked, her voice shaky.

"Nothing important." The younger Rizzoli tried to remember the correct term," they called it…pure gatorade...or something… amnesia."

"Pure retrograde amnesia," Maura corrected, knowing exactly what that meant.

"Yes, that's it. She remembers nothing at all about her own life, or the people that were in it. She didn't even remember her own name." Frankie explained.

"Did…did anyone ever tell her about me?" Maura reluctantly asked.

Frankie shook his head, "you are probably going to hate us for this." The young italian man thought back to when they were first in the hospital, and he started to explain to Maura what had happened, and what was decided.

* * *

_The paramedics had brought Jane in thirty minutes earlier, and she was directly wheeled into surgery. Korsak was already at the hospital, anxiously waiting to hear from the doctors when Angela and Frankie entered the building._

_"What happened, Vince?" Angela looked at Korsak, "what happened to my Janey?"_

_"She was in a car accident. A truck clipped her at an intersection," Korsak hated to be the bearer of bad news, "she ran a red light at high speed."_

_"Why would she do that? Where was she going? Why would she be speeding?" Angela asked confused._

_The older detective looked at his feet, not knowing how the next piece of information would be accepted, "she was on her way to the airport, trying to get to Maura."_

_"Maura? What, why?" Angela let herself fall back on one of the plastic chairs in the room, "where is Maura anyway?"_

_Korsak took a seat next to the older italian woman, "Maura quit her job as chief M.E. yesterday, she was leaving the country today."_

_"Why would she do that?" Angela knew a little bit about the problems her daughter and the doctor had been having ever since Frost died, but she always assumed they would work through it._

_"They…broke up, Angela. Maura left to be with her mother. Cavanaugh told me this morning Maura quit her job. Jane must have found out this morning. She must have been on her way to the airport to try and stop her. I…" Korsak looked down at his hands, not wanting to say anything more._

_The older Rizzoli woman was quiet for a while, processing the information she had just been given._

_After a few minutes she spoke up, "nobody calls Maura," she said resolute._

_"What? Ma, you can't do that. She would want to know what happened," Frankie, who had been quiet throughout the conversation, opened his mouth now. "She has a right to know."_

_"No, she doesn't," Angela raised her voice, "she gave up that right by leaving Jane behind like that. This is her fault. All of this. After everything, she didn't even say goodbye. To any of us. And now my Janey is in a hospital fighting for her life, because she was trying to stop Maura from leaving. This is all her fault," she repeated the last words again._

_"Maura loves Jane," Frankie tried again._

_"If she did, she wouldn't have left her. She would have stayed and helped her through this. Jane has been going through hell these last few weeks." Angela brokered no argument. "Promise me, both of you, you will not call Maura. She's not to know what happened."_

_Korsak and Frankie looked at each other, then reluctantly agreed to the Rizzoli matriarch's request._

_It was touch and go for the next few days. Jane had suffered severe trauma to her head, and the doctors were worried about brain damage. During surgery she had slipped into a coma, and they did not know when and if she would wake up from it._

_Six full days later there was finally a change in Jane's condition, and she started to wake up._

_What was first a hopeful, joyous event for the detective's friends and family, quickly turned into a nightmare._

_Jane had indeed woken up from her coma, but she had no recollection of who she was or how she had gotten there. She didn't know her family, or her friends; she didn't even remember her own name._

_After the initial awkward introductions, and with a doctor present at all times, they had slowly started to reintroduce Jane to facets of her own life._

_It had started with things like, her name, birth day, basic information._

_It was on the second day that Jane noticed the fading scars on her hands, and she had started to ask questions about what caused them._

_At that point they had to make the decision of how much to tell her, they had decided on the truth. But halfway throughout the explanation, Jane had stopped them. She didn't want to know any more._

_Since she now had a fresh slate, she didn't want to hear about any of the negative events that happened in her life. She didn't want her head filled with bad things that she couldn't remember anyway._

_And in a way, everyone agreed. Well, mostly everyone. Frankie didn't agree, but because his sister wanted it that way, he went with it. The psychologist that was assigned to help Jane deal with things, didn't agree either. He'd said Jane was putting her head in the sand, that she was avoiding; the brunette requested a different psychologist soon after._

_After a few days the inevitable question came, when Jane asked if she had a special someone in her life._

_Angela had briefly hesitated, but then told Jane, 'no'; there wasn't anyone, she was single. Then the next day, Angela had told Frankie to go to Jane's apartment and remove any picture or other reminders of Maura, and throw them out._

_Frankie had done what his mother asked, grudgingly, but he hadn't thrown the items out. He'd put them in a box and kept them in his closet. He wasn't sure why; the chances of Jane's memory returning where slim to none, because of the damage and the location of the injury. And Maura was gone, she'd probably never come back to Boston, but still he wanted to hold on to the items._

_So they only told Jane the things she asked for, and then only the positive things. It was messed up, but surprisingly it made Jane happy, and that made Frankie happy. So he went along with it._

_His sister didn't remember who he was, but they still had an instant connection together._

_Jane was different, yet she was essentially still the same; cocky, sarcastic, funny, confident, moody._

_It was Jane, but without the darkness that had surrounded her ever since Hoyt got to her._

_It was like having a happier version of his sister than before the accident._

_She would joke more, she was positive. She didn't have any nightmares._

_It was almost surreal._

_Frankie had a hard time with it sometimes; he had all these memories of growing up with Jane, that she didn't have anymore. But after comparing it with the deep depression she had been in before the accident, this was almost preferred in an odd way. He just worried what would happen if Jane ever would get her memories back, and her response when she finds out how much they really hid from her._

_However the chances of that were almost nonexistent._

* * *

"And that's about it really," Frankie said, finished with telling Maura everything that had happened to Jane the past few months.

The blonde just stared in front of her, not knowing what to say. There was nothing to say, there was nothing left. Maura had come back to Boston for a person that for all intents and purposes wasn't there anymore. The Jane Rizzoli she knew, was gone. The relationship they'd had, was only in her own memories. She was too late. She had left, and now there was nothing to come back for.

"I should go", Maura finally said, getting up from the couch, "I should have never come back here."

"What are you going to do?" Frankie asked, he didn't know why, but he hoped Maura would stay. Even though his sister didn't remember the doctor, he remembered what the two used to be like, and he wanted that again for them.

"I don't know," Maura softly spoke, "there's nothing here for me anymore."

Frankie got up as well, and stood in front of the doctor, "you still love her don't you?" he asked.

"I do. I never stopped," Maura almost angrily wiped at the tears forming in her eyes, "I came back for her, to be with her if I could. To rebuild what was lost."

"Then stay." Frankie said, getting him a confused look from the doctor, "rebuild what was lost. Start over. You guys were good together, maybe you can get to know each other again. I know it sounds weird, but I always thought you guys belonged together. Won't you try?"

"What's the point," Maura sounded defeated.

"The point is that you love her. She's still Jane." Frankie didn't know why this was so important to him. Maybe it was because if Maura and Jane got back together, at least something would be the way it was supposed to be again. Or maybe it was because Maura always had made Jane happy. "She's the same person, just …lighter."

"I don't know, Frankie. She has no memories of me, or what we used to be together."

"Then build new memories, Maura. Stay. For a while at least." The younger Rizzoli put his hands on Maura's shoulder, and gave them a soft squeeze. "If there's really nothing left, you can always leave again. You owe it to yourself, and to Jane to give it a chance."

"I'll think about it." Maura straightened out her clothing that had gotten a little wrinkled from lying on the couch earlier, "thank you for telling me, Frankie. You're a good brother to Jane."

"I'm your brother too, Maura." Frankie gave her a shy smile. He had always considered the doctor family, even before she and his sister had gotten romantically involved.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door and Lt. Cavanaugh sticking his head back in to check on them, "any chance I'll be getting my office back this century?" he tried to joke lightly.

Frankie politely made his exit, leaving the doctor to talk to his boss.


	13. Looking Out

**A/N: Thanks for the warm welcome back everyone. Hope you enjoy this next chapter too.**

* * *

Chapter 13

* * *

Maura spent most of her first day back at BPD rearranging her office, and getting herself reacquainted with the morgue and its personnel. There were quite a few new faces, and also a few familiar ones, like senior criminologist Suzie Chang who still worked there.

It was late in the afternoon when there was a knock on her door. Maura looked up and spotted the familiar face of one sergeant detective Vince Korsak.

"Detective Korsak," Maura said with a smile, getting up to greet the man.

"Maura Isles, Frankie just told me you were back," Korsak smiled back at her, "it's good to see you, doc." A brief moment of sadness passed over the older detective's face, "things just haven't been the same since… ," he closed his mouth thinking he'd said too much, "well, let's just say that I missed having you around, and leave it at that."

Maura nodded, understanding and appreciating the sentiment, "I've missed being here too."

"So, are you here to stay?" Korsak actually looked hopeful, "we haven't had a steady M.E. since you left."

"I…I honestly don't know yet." Maura said truthfully, "Frankie actually convinced me to stick around for a while, but I'm not so sure if I can."

"Because of Jane?" Korsak came to the heart of the matter.

The M.E. nodded slightly, "among other things."

"Well. I guess it's up to you, but I hope you stick around. We need you here, doc."

"Thank you, Vince." Maura gave the older detective a small smile.

They spoke briefly about her time in London, then Korsak left her by herself.

Maura had been worried about detective Korsak's response, but thankfully it hadn't been too bad. Most people so far had been friendly with her, although she hadn't see Angela yet. And from what Frankie had told her, she was worried about the older woman's response. Maura just hoped that if she did decide to stay in Boston, they could at least be civil with each other.

* * *

It was 4 a.m. in the morning when Jane was woken up by persistent ringing. She groaned loudly before she picked up the phone, "Rizzoli. …okay, text me the address."

She rolled out of bed, staggering because she was still drowsy. She blindly felt her way to the bathroom, then squinted her eyes when she turned on the light.

While brushing her teeth, she looked in the mirror. If she wasn't so grumpy from being woken up this early, she would have laughed at the sight of herself, her hair was one big jumble of curls this morning. "Looking hot," she sarcastically muttered to herself, then pulled her hair back in a pony tail.

She was yawning loudly several times while putting on her clothes and shoes. Finally she snapped on her badge and gun, "Rizzoli, ready to go," she joked.

'_I seriously need to stop talking to myself_', she thought while getting in the car and driving to the crime scene, "I also seriously need some coffee."

It was fifteen minutes and one hot cup of coffee later when Jane walked onto the crime scene.

"What have we got?" she asked as soon as she saw detective Cooper.

"A body washed up on shore this morning, female, early 30's," Riley answered.

"Do we have an I.D. yet?" Jane asked, putting on her rubber gloves.

"Not yet. No personal effects on the remains," Riley took a few quick steps to catch up her partner who was already headed for the body, "oh, and Jane? We have a new M.E."

"Again?" Jane stopped and looked at the other detective, "well, that's good I guess. The last one really sucked. Maybe this one will be better and actually stick around for a while."

Both detectives quickened their step and walked over to where their victim was. Jane instantly noticed the honey blonde woman who was kneeled next to the body, dressed in what appeared to be very fancy clothing, high heels: definitely not what she would expect anyone to wear to a crime scene.

The doctor was still doing her initial examination, talking quietly to one of the crime techs.

"Skin texture suggests immersion for at least two days," the M.E. was touching the victims arm. Then checked her head and torso, "superficial wounds, nothing that appears fatal."

Jane had been quietly standing a little to the side of the blonde woman, not wanting to rudely interrupt. But when her presence continued to go unnoticed she gently cleared her throat. She did have a possible murder to solve after all.

When Maura glanced up from her position on the ground, she was met with somewhat tired but friendly looking chocolate brown eyes.

When their eyes met, the brunette detective briefly frowned, appearing confused, then understanding flittered across her features, and Maura's heart skipped a beat.

"Hey, you're the woman I ran into yesterday," Jane said excited, "outside the elevator."

Maura had a hard time trying to hide her disappointment at those words. When she had seen the recognition in Jane's eyes, she had just briefly hoped that the brunette remembered her. But now she realized that Jane really had no idea who she was, so she pulled her face into the most neutral expression she could manage and nodded, not yet able to find the words to speak with.

The detective gave her a puzzled look, not sure why she was getting the cold shoulder. Had she offended this woman by leaving her by herself yesterday, she probably shouldn't have left her like that, but she had been in a hurry. '_Way to go, Rizzoli, you already pissed off the new M.E., and she hasn't even been here a day yet_.' So Jane directed her attention to the victim.

"Rizzoli," she heard, then saw one of the officers motioning her over.

The brunette turned to her partner, "I'll be right back," she told Riley, then turned around and walked over to meet with the anxious officer that had called her over.

When Jane finally returned, the body was already being loaded up, and the blonde doctor had disappeared.

"Hey, Cooper. Where did the new M.E. go?" Jane asked.

"Back to BPD to start the autopsy I assume. What did you do to piss her off?" Riley inquired.

Jane shook her head, "I'm not sure. I ran into her yesterday outside the elevator. Remember, I was late getting to the car." The detective scratched her head, puzzled. "Did she say anything to you?"

"Not much. Just introductions, then she took off." The black haired detective tapped her partner on the shoulder, "I'm sure you'll make it up to her, whatever it is you did. In the mean time, we have some people to interview."

* * *

Later that day Jane stepped into the bullpen, balancing a tray with different cups of coffee; it was her turn to provide caffeine for the team.

"Ah, you're a life saver, Jane" Korsak was the first to grab his cup.

The brunette detective sat down in her seat, and took a sip from her own hot cup of joe, "any news on today's floater?"

As if on cue Korsak's phone buzzed. He looked at the message, "Maura is just starting with the autopsy."

Jane frowned, "Maura? You know our new M.E.?"

The older detective just realized his slip, "uh…I do. She…Dr. Isles worked at BPD before."

"She did?" the brunette tapped her finger on the top of her cup, "how long has she been gone?"

Korsak briefly considered how much to tell Jane, but he had learned to only tell her the things she specifically asked for. "Six months."

Jane scratched her head, considering the odd coincidence, "we worked together before?"

"Yes, you did." Korsak tentatively answered.

"Well that explains a few things," Jane said, getting up from her seat. "Okay, I'm going downstairs."

Korsak sadly smiled to himself, it had been a long time since he had heard Jane utter those specific words.

* * *

Unlike some other detectives, Jane had no problems going down to the morgue. Yes, it smelled funny, and sometimes downright nasty, but otherwise it didn't bother her.

The place was creepy, but interesting.

It didn't take long for Jane to get downstairs. She quickly found the M.E. in the autopsy area, and knocked on the door.

Maura looked up to see the brunette detective standing in front of her, and she swallowed.

For a few moments they just looked at each other, neither of them really sure what to say.

"Can I help you?" Maura finally asked. Trying to hold down the emotions was making her voice sound detached and cold.

Jane was a little startled but recovered quickly, "yes, I feel like I should apologize for uh, yesterday."

Maura raised an eyebrow; that wasn't what she had expected to hear.

"I uh, I probably came off as rude. I didn't mean to be. It's just that I didn't know you worked here before." Jane put her hands in her pockets, "so you probably know me, or knew me, and I don't… um…, okay, this is going to sound weird, but -"

"It's okay, Jane." Maura finally interrupted, "Frankie told me what happened to you. I understand, and there's no need to apologize."

"You know?"

The blonde nodded, "I do. You don't need to explain."

…

"You called me Jane", the detective was thinking out loud, not really realizing she had spoken the words out loud.

"I did," Maura answered.

"Most people call me Rizzoli," the brunette's brow wrinkled, "what did I call you?"

The M.E. rubbed her hands on her scrubs, remembering what Frankie told her about the things Jane did and didn't want to know, "you called me Maura."

Jane was quiet for a while, her mind trying to connect the dots. "Okay. Maura," she finally said, then smiled. Which received a very small smile back from the doctor.

…

"Oh," Jane said after a few seconds, "the autopsy, I almost forgot. Would you mind if I observe?"

Maura shook her head, knowing it would probably be awkward, but they did have a job to do. She motioned to the wall, "you better suit up."

After Jane put on the protective gear, she joined the M.E. on the other side of the table.

Maura went through the initial steps, removing the clothing, examining the exterior of their victim. With Jane's help, she moved the body on its side.

"No sign of blunt force trauma," Maura said, moving the victim back to the original position. "Besides the superficial wounds on her arms, nothing that could indicate cause of death."

"What's that?" Jane pointed to some damaged skin on the victims left arm.

"I will have to do some further testing to be sure." Maura replied.

"But if you would guess?" the detective tried again.

"I don't guess," Maura continued her examination.

"Never?" Jane asked surprised.

"No, I'd rather confirm than guess." Maura inserted a needle in the victims arm, trying to withdraw a blood sample. "That's odd," she said, then removed the needle and inserted it in the opposite arm.

"Problem?" the brunette asked, seeing the plunger come up empty twice now.

The M.E. tried it on the victims leg next, "well, it appears that our victim has no blood in her body, not in the brachial, not in the femoral. Not in any of her arteries."

Jane looked down at the body in front of her, "did she get attack by a vampire?"

"Of course not, vampires are just mythology and folklore." Maura responded seriously, until she saw the smirk on the brunette's face.

* * *

It wasn't until later in the autopsy that the M.E. found the explanation of the absence of blood in the remains.

"Look," she motioned Jane closer, "petechial hemorrhaging on the serosal surface of her liver, and …her other organs as well."

"What does that mean in English?" the detective had no idea what Maura had just told her.

"It means that we found our COD. Our victim exsanguinated from every orifice of her body." The M.E. frowned, "A systemic bleed out, that's the COD."

"That sounds…unpleasant." Jane wrinkled her nose, it wasn't like she'd had much of an appetite to begin with, but it was definitely gone now.

"It is very unpleasant. Our victim died a very painful, agonizing death." Maura shook her head.

"Any idea what could have caused it?" the detective knew she probably wasn't going to get an answer to that question yet, "can you at least tell us if we are looking at a homicide or not?"

"I'm sorry, not at the moment." Maura held her breath, waiting for some sort of outburst from the brunette detective. She knew how impatient Jane could get.

But to her surprise, Jane just slowly nodded her head then started to pull off her protective gear.

"Let me know when you have more information?" the detective was just about to turn around and go back upstairs when she stopped, "oh, and here…" she grabbed a pen and piece of paper, "my number," she handed it to the doctor. "See you later… Maura," she smiled at the M.E. and then left the room.

* * *

When Jane got back upstairs she was greeted by her partner.

"Did the M.E. confirm COD?" Riley asked.

The brunette nodded, "yes, the victim bled out, ...from everywhere. No blood left in her body at all."

"Vampire?" Riley joked.

"Don't think my mind didn't go there too," Jane smirked. "Did we get a hit on her prints yet?"

"We did, her name is Susan Johnson," Cooper pointed at the screen where the driver's license of their victim was pulled up. "Her prints were on file from a previous job screening, she was as a pharmaceutical rep."

Jane grabbed her jacket and keys, "at least we got a place to start."

* * *

Maura had just washed up and changed from her scrubs into her regular clothing when there was a knock on the door to her office.

"Come in," she said, then took a seat behind her desk.

"They were right, you really are here," Angela Rizzoli walked inside, her face not hiding her discontent with the doctor's presence. "Why? Why are you back, Maura?"

"I'm back for Jane." Maura responded honestly.

"Like hell you are," Angela's tone was low and menacing, "because of you I almost lost my daughter. You've caused enough pain."

The honey blonde was definitely startled by the older Rizzoli's tone; this woman had at one point lived in her guest house. She had been like a mother to her, and Maura was at a loss for words.

"Ma," Frankie quickly walked into the M.E.'s office, "leave her alone."

"Frankie, stay out of this,"Angela reprimanded her son.

"Maura, I'm so sorry. Could you give us a minute?" the younger Rizzoli gave her a compassionate look, Maura nodded, grabbed her bag and left the room.

Frankie angrily glared at his mother, "what happened was an accident, Ma. It wasn't Maura's fault, it wasn't anybody's fault," was all that Maura heard before she stepped onto the elevator.

* * *

At the end of their day, Riley and Jane walked back into the bullpen. They had been out all afternoon. They had found the victim's apartment, talked to her room mates. Visited her place of work.

It was really only an initial investigation, since they still weren't even sure if the victim had been murdered or not. For all they knew the woman had some weird virus, bled out and fell in the river. Unlikely, but without confirmation otherwise, they had to keep all options open.

Jane was tired and hungry. She was thinking of calling it a day; there wasn't much they could do right now anyway.

"You want to grab a bite to eat, Cooper?" she asked her partner.

"Can't tonight. I'm supposed to meet with my sister and her new boyfriend." Riley said looking a little miffed.

Jane laughed, "You look excited about that."

"Don't get me started," the black haired detective grabbed her things and left the bullpen.

* * *

On her way, outside Jane ran into the honey blonde M.E. again. She quickly noticed the woman looked upset.

"Maura," the detective said kindly, "are you okay?"

The doctor closed her eyes, she didn't want to get hives from lying, and she couldn't quickly come up with a way to avoid the question either. "I'm not," she softly spoke.

There was something about this woman that brought out Jane's protective side; from the very first moment she had ran into the doctor outside the elevator.

"You want to talk about it?" Jane asked, not wanting to pry.

"I…I, Maura visibly swallowed, "I can't. I'm sorry."

The detective had noticed the discomfort and the hesitation, and she was surprised that it bothered her, "oh, okay." Jane tried not to look too disappointed. What was it with this woman anyway that affected her so much. '_Stupid disconnected emotions_' she thought.

Memories without emotions, and emotions without memories. That was what her life was like now. At least she should be happy that she could connect emotions to new memories, since it could have been a lot worse.

Maura had definitely noticed the disappointment on Jane's face when she had declined the offer to talk. But what could she say. You don't remember this, but I love you. We shared a life together. We were supposed to get married. Oh and your mother just told me to stay away from you.

It wasn't like she could explain any of these things to Jane. And Maura remembered what Frankie had told her about the things Jane did and didn't want to know.

Why, why had she come back to Boston? What was she doing here? It was just so painful knowing what they had, knowing what was gone.

"I'm sorry Jane, it's been a long day." It wasn't a lie, it had been a long day, "I think I just need to go home and go to sleep."

Jane didn't look appeased, but she nodded, "okay, but if you change your mind. I'm a pretty good listener." The brunette briefly reached out her hand and squeezed the doctor's shoulder, then quickly removed it, putting her hands in her pockets.

"Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow Maura," she said, then left to go home, leaving the sad doctor behind.


	14. In My Own Eyes

**A/N: A new week and a new chapter. Thank you to everyone still reading. Now I know everyone wants Jane to remember Maura already, for them to get back together, happy end, THE END. I promised a happy end, and we will get there, but I want to stick to my original outline for the story and not rush it. It will get finished and I'll do my best to make it worth your while. In the mean time, enjoy this chapter. Another update will be posted early next week. **

* * *

Chapter 14

* * *

For some reason, Jane felt a very strange connection to this woman.

So, doing what she did nowadays, which was acting mostly on instinct, she had found out the doctor's address, bought some flowers and driven over.

But now that she was actually here, she didn't know if she should get out of the car or not.

"Flip a coin?" she mumbled to herself.

After a few long moments arguing with herself, Jane finally got out of the car and walked to the front door of the warmly lighted house.

She sheepishly looked at the flowers in her hands, then took a deep breath and rang the bell; worrying briefly if maybe she should have knocked instead.

* * *

There were some sounds coming from inside the house, the rustling of keys, and then the door opened revealing a still immaculate looking honey blonde woman.

The sight completely took Jane's breath away, which kind of scared her. She wasn't really used to having that kind of response, well, to anyone really.

She didn't have very long to think about it though, because the M.E. seemed very startled at seeing Jane on her doorstep.

As soon as Maura saw who was standing there outside her house, she couldn't help the emotions that overcame her. Several memories hit her all at the same time.

The first time Jane had shown up at her doorstep after Hoyt had escaped from jail.

Also times when they were still friends, and Jane would show up at night just for a drink, or to relax with a movie.

Other times came back as well. From when they started to become more than friends, and Jane had picked her up for their first date; dressed up and nervous, flowers in her hand.

Seeing the brunette standing there now, so unexpected at her door, was almost too much for Maura, and she couldn't help the warm tears that instantly started to trickle down her face.

"Oh, no, don't cry." Jane said, completely taken off guard by the doctor's response to her presence. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Please don't be upset."

Maura held up her hand to stop the detective's apologies, asking silently for a moment to compose herself, "I'm okay, I'm okay. It's…it's just seeing you like that," she shook her head, not sure if she should continue that sentence.

"I shouldn't have just shown up," Jane said again, "it was a bad idea. I just…I felt like you maybe needed someone to talk to. I sometimes forget…sorry, bad choice of words. I sometimes...don't realize that it's hard for people that knew me before the accident. I'm really sorry. I'm…going to stop talking now. I should maybe…yes, I should probably go." Jane was about to turn around and walk away when she heard her name.

Maura took a deep breath, "would you like to come in?"

"Are you sure, I don't want to bother you," the detective looked unsure.

Maura opened the door further and took a step to the side, indicating wordlessly for Jane that it was okay.

Once Jane was inside she remember the flowers she still had in her hand, and pushed them towards Maura, "here," she said.

Maura gently took them from the detective and moved them in front of her face, enjoying the delicate scent, "thank you," she said softly, then walked over to the kitchen so she could put them in a vase.

"Would you like a beer?" the M.E. asked, her voice still not a hundred percent steady.

"Sure," Jane had followed Maura into the kitchen, and was now leaning against the counter. She was overcome with this strange sense of deja vu being in this house, in this kitchen. The feeling was quite disconcerting, but not unwelcome.

Maura handed Jane her beer and poured herself a glass of wine, taking a small sip.

"Dr. Isles?" Jane asked after a few moments.

The blonde woman actually physically cringed when Jane called her by her title, "please, call me Maura."

"Okay, sorry. Maura. This will probably sound strange, but have I been here before? In your house I mean."

With one hand Maura grabbed the ring that still hung around her neck, looking for something to steady herself. She was completely out of her depth with the situation. She wanted to tell Jane everything, but she remembered what Frankie had told her, so finally she just settled on, "yes, you have been here before."

"Did I spend a lot of time here?" Jane asked the follow up question.

"You did." Maura again answered without adding any extra information.

"I thought so," Jane hesitated. "I feel like I've been here," '_it feels like home_' she thought, but didn't say.

Silence fell over them, neither of them knowing what to say next.

Maura didn't know how much she should share, and Jane didn't know how much she wanted to know.

It was right around the time when Jane thought it might actually be best if she left, that there was a slight bumping coming from around the kitchen counter.

The detective actually jumped in her seat, then got up to see what had startled her. "Oh, that scared me," she said, pointing at the rock like creature that was crawling around the kitchen.

Maura looked over at her beloved pet, "it's just Bass, he's an-"

"African spurred tortoise," Jane finished the sentence.

Maura was completely taken by surprise.

"Am I wrong?" Jane asked, seeing the doctor's startled expression.

Maura shook her head, trying to find her voice again, "You are right. How did you know that?"

The detective shrugged her shoulders, "I have no idea, really. Sometimes these random things just pop into my head. Riley sort of makes fun of me for it, but I don't care. It's nice to know some stuff."

"You usually called him a turtle," the words fell out of Maura's mouth before she could stop them; she feared she'd said too much.

Jane raised an eyebrow, "maybe I was just trying to get a rise out of you."

At that the doctor relaxed a little, "I think that's pretty much a given, detective."

Jane gave her a bright smile.

Maura gently put down her glass of wine on the counter, and turned to fully face the brunette.

The detective took another sip from her beer, then started playing with the edge of the label.

"Jane, I don't know what to do here. Frankie told me you don't want people to tell you things, and I want to respect that. But I feel dishonest not telling you."

Jane bit her lip, then looked up in warm hazel eyes, "I know it's odd. It's just that when I first woke up from my accident, everyone kept looking at me, expecting me to know them. They would keep telling me things, their memories, and then they would look so hurt when I didn't remember what they were talking about. And then they would tell me things about myself, that I would actually be better off not knowing anymore. I had to draw a line. Everything or nothing. I chose nothing. Maybe I was wrong, I don't know anymore. I just…I feel very comfortable with you. I'd like to get to know you without feeling that I should already know you. You know?"

Maura almost had to laugh at Jane's way of explaining herself, if it wasn't so sad.

Jane got up from her chair and walked over to the doctor, grabbing one of her hands in her own. "How about we start slow, and you can tell me something about yourself._ C_ould you do that, please?"

Maura realized that this was going to be on Jane's terms, and as difficult as it was, she did accept that. "Okay, what would you like to know?"

The detective thought for a moment, then a smile appeared on her face. "You can start by telling me why you chose a '_turtle'_ for a pet."

* * *

Jane had only stayed a few minutes longer before going home. Frankly it had been a little awkward for both of them.

After Jane had left, Maura had called her mother and told her what happened since she arrived in Boston. To her surprise Constance told her not to give up. To stay for a while longer, to give it a few months. Maura had been surprised at her mother's reaction, but she had agreed.

Giving up was what had gotten her in this horrible mess in the first place. If she hadn't given up and left, Jane wouldn't have gotten into an accident.

Frankie was right, and she owed it to Jane to stick around. If nothing else, maybe she could be a friend to her again.

* * *

Before everything happened, the first thing Maura would do every morning when she got to the precinct, was visit the 'Division One Cafe'. Sometimes for breakfast, other times for a cup of tea or coffee. But there was no way she was going anywhere near the place this morning. She did not want to have another run in with Angela.

In a way, Maura understood where the woman was coming from. Yet in another, she was angry with the older Rizzoli woman as well.

After Frank Rizzoli had left Angela out on the streets, Maura had opened up her guest house to her. Angela had lived with her for a few months, until she got back on her feet. And they had gotten pretty close for a while, she had almost been like a mother to Maura.

But Angela had completely tried to erase her from Jane's life.

Yes, Maura had left, but they knew where she was, and nobody had told her what happened to Jane. They knew Maura would have flown back instantly if she'd known; she would have been with Jane the whole time. She could have helped her deal with her amnesia. It would have still been difficult, but at least she could have been there for Jane. Angela had taken that away from her, from them. And the more Maura thought about it, the angrier she got.

So she avoided going to the precinct cafe, at least until she knew what to say, and how to deal with the situation.

She only wished she would have realized this sooner, since now she was too late to go somewhere else, and she felt like she needed the caffeine today.

Resigned to her faith until lunch time, Maura got on the elevator and headed down to the morgue to start her day.

* * *

Thirty minutes after she had sat down behind her desk and in the middle of a stack of paperwork, there was a knock on her door.

"Hey Maura, are you busy," Jane popped her head around the corner.

Maura shook her head and closed the file in front of her, "come in."

The detective was carrying two cups of coffee, and handed one to Maura. "I don't know how you drink yours, so…" she dropped several packages of creamer and sugar on the M.E.'s desk, then smirked at her.

It received her a smile back from the doctor, but Jane noticed it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Are you feeling any better today?" the brunette asked, opening the lid to her own cup and blowing inside.

"I am," Maura got one of the packages of creamer and put it in her coffee, all the while being observed by Jane.

…

"Oh, since you're here. I got some of the test results in this morning," Maura reached for the file she needed and pushed it towards the detective.

"Can you give me the cliff notes?" Jane asked, "I don't really understand all the scientific mumbo jumbo."

"Okay," Maura grabbed the file back and opened it up, "well, there really wasn't that much we found. The lack of blood in her system definitely complicates things. But we did find something." Maura pulled two images out of the file and put them side by side. "These are the diatoms we found in her bone marrow," she pointed to one, "and these are the diatoms we found in the sample of water we took at the scene."

The detective looked closely at both photo's, then understanding shifted across her face, "they are different. Which means," Jane tapped her fingers on the desk, "…if we can match the first set, we can find out where she entered the water. Maybe a crime scene. That's great Maura."

"Also," Maura continued, "she had oysters for her last meal."

"Oysters? That's …gross." Jane pulled a face, "but it actually gives us a lead. Our victim's ex boyfriend works at an '_oyster bar_' at Logan International. That can't be a coincidence."

The brunette looked ready to leave, "anything else?" she asked.

"Unfortunately, no. Without a blood sample, it's impossible to determine if there were any traces of drugs or poisons in her system," the doctor sadly admitted. She did not like it when she couldn't provide definite answers for the detectives.

"At least we got something. Thanks Maura," and with that Jane left the room.


End file.
